Criminals are now being locked up in English police cells at huge cost because all our prisons are full.

The British government is now considering building prison ships to take the strain.

Prison ships are a good idea for certain types of prisoners – those who are likely to try and escape for instance – but for general use?  There are a couple of problems with prison ships.  You can’t extend them when they’re full for a start, whereas a prison built out in the sticks somewhere can be expanded if needed.  The other problem is that you can’t really hold dangerous criminals there because of riot control.  How do you get large numbers of prison officers or riot police in to a prison ship if there’s a riot?  Helicoptors and/or boats are expensive and not ideal for controling large numbers of rioters on a relatively small ship.

I have the perfect solution.  North Britain is mostly uninhabited and unused empty space – build prisons on it and let the North Britons do something for us instead of the other way round as usual.