Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland have negotiated a £30.2m bonus from the British government because the British government have spent money in London for the British Olympics.  No extra money will be spent in the rest of England where local authorities are facing cuts of about a quarter over the next few years.

The money is being handed over because of what is called Barnett Consequentials - the technical name for giving Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland a big wedge of cash just because the British government have spent some money in England.  Barnett Consequentials are part of the balancing mechanism to ensure Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland continue to get the same outrageous level of subsidy at England’s expense no matter how much capital investment the British spend in England.

Paying Barnett Consequentials because of the Olympics is a bloody liberty though because they’re not the English Olympics, they’re the British Olympics.  England doesn’t have a Olympic team and the British government’s investment in London is for their Olympics, not for London or for England.  Some of the facilities that are being built for the Olympics are going to be relocated to Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland and some of the events are even being held in those countries.  They will “benefit” from the British Olympics as much as the rest of England.

The British government shouldn’t have paid any Barnett money to Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland for the British Olympics but there was nobody at the meeting representing English interests.  As a consequence (excuse the pun), £30.2m of English taxpayers’ money is going to be handed over to the Scots, Welsh and Northern Irish for no other reason than because the British spent some money in England for their Olympic vanity project.  This has only happened because there is no English government to represent English interests, saying “no, this is your Olympic games, we’re not paying your bribes”.

There are no details as yet on who will be on the West Lothian Commission, what they will consider and whether an English Parliament will be ruled out immediately or when they report in 2013.

No jokes about odd shaped balls please

The man-hating Shadow Minister for Equality and Women has demanded that the BBC include some women in the shortlist immediately and criticised the BBC for including the editors of lads mags in the panel.

The panel of newspaper and magazine editors from publications with an interest in sport chose the shortlist for the BBC and came up with the all-male list.

There are undoubtedly many fine sportswomen – Olympic swimmer Rebecca Adlington for instance or England women’s rugby player Fran Matthews who should surely win an award just for playing a brutal sport and managing to look pretty hot rather than like Fatima Whitbread.  But the panel chose an all-male shortlist and it’s not for a failed politician like Harriet Harperson to demand that their decision is overturned and the list stuffed with women in the name of equality.

The BBC Sports Personality of the Year awards are supposed to reward sportsmen and women for talent and hard work, not for having a pair of tits.

The BOA has claimed that an “historic agreement” has been reached to allow players from all four home nations to play in a GB football team but the Scottish and Welsh FAs have both released statements saying they have been part of no such agreements and they will not take part in “Team GB”.

There is very little support for a “Team GB” football team in the Olympics.  Support is pretty much restricted to British politicians in England, the English FA, the BOA and FIFA.  The corrupt President of FIFA, Sepp Blatter, has said on more than one occasion that there should only be one football team in the UK.   The fan associations of England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland are all opposed to the idea of a “Team GB” football team, the Scottish FA is opposed to the idea of a “Team GB” football team, the Welsh FA is opposed to the idea of a “Team GB” football team, the Northern Irish FA is opposed to the idea of a “Team GB” football team.  Which event has had the most unsold tickets for the 2012 Olympics?  Yep, football – nobody wants to see an English football team running round the pitch with union flags on their shirts.

I notice that a couple of the part time patriots in my street have already taken down their flags, including the house behind us that put their flag up just before the game started and had already taken it down before the game finished.  By this time tomorrow the country will be purged of the flags the part time patriots have painstakingly bedecked their houses and cars with.

So, with England out, the question is who to support next and on the basis that I have a Dutch god daughter and they are the only country in Europe not to hate us with a passion, I will be supporting the Netherlands.  But unlike the part time patriots, my England flag will stay up.

England have gone back to the dressing rooms for half time 2-1 to Germany when the actual score is 2-2.

The linesman was a few yards from the corner, he should have been able to see the goal.  The referee was in the right position to see the goal, why didn’t he?  Capello, Beckham and Pearce could see it from the halfway line.  The fans could see it from the stands and were unimpressed judging by the chants of “the referee is a wanker”.

FIFA recently refused to have any kind of technology to adjudicate on goals – that position is surely untenable after the ridiculous decision to disallow England’s second goal.  Tennis has hawk eye which can see if a 2.7″ wide tennis ball travelling at 130mph is over the line, it would have no problems with a 28″ football at 30mph.  Rugby has a video judge and the game stops when there is a dispute so why not in the world cup?

I always knew Sepp Blatter was an arsehole, now he has the opportunity to show that he has some integrity.

Seriously, the team is playing unbelievably badly and I’m afraid I have to lay the blame with Capello.  I normally defend managers when people criticise them because the 11 players on the pitch are supposed to be professionals and if tactics aren’t working they should use their initiative but in this case there are clearly no tactics to change.

The players are milling round the pitch, completely clueless.  They’re getting the ball and haven’t got a clue what to do with it.  The team is obviously suffering from having no time to practice together as a team because they don’t know who they’re going to be playing with until 2 hours before the game starts.

And why is Wayne Rooney still playing?  I really never thought I would say this but he’s a liability right now.  He’s worried about picking up an injury, he’s backing off from tackles and tonight he was limping at one point.  Rest him if that’s what he needs but he shouldn’t be playing if he’s not up to the job.

He may not be Prime Minister any more but we just can’t get away from El Gordo.

Anyway, what about those mascots, eh?  Very shiny, and bit angry looking and just a little bit phallic (in-keeping with the theme set by the Lisa Simpson blowjob logo).  But I can forgive their inadequacies somewhat because one of them is names after my home town.

I grew up in Much Wenlock and quite frankly the town makes very little of the fact that the modern Olympics probably wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for Dr William Penny Brookes and his Wenlock Olympian Games.  Having the mascot named after the town might just be the kick up the arse they need to start making the effort to capitalise on the Olympic connection.

That said, the town council did ask the International Olympic Committee for permission a few years ago to put the Olympic rings logo on the signs at the entrance to the town but they were turned down.  Now might be an opportune moment to ask again.

The organisers of the London Olympics reckon they can raise £15m peddling Wenlock and Mandeville tat.  I’m not convinced they’re going to make much money out of merchandising although they do bear more than a passing resemblance to Crazy Bones which might earn them a few quid from special editions.

Unsurprisingly, the mascots have already been extensively photoshopped.  The chav one is my favourite.

Well, that’s about all you can expect on the great white Olympic elephant from me.  Waste of money and no English team, what is there to interest me other than the connection with the town I grew up in?  Oh, and if anyone wants a guided tour of Wenlock from a local, I’m available for a small fee.

If he wins, life will be unbearable for those of us who can’t stand the tantrum-throwing, anti-English, second rate Scottish tennis player.

The BBC will devote its entire schedule to the life and times of Andy Murray, the Sun will lead the campaign for him to be given a knighthood, No Mandate Brown will declare a “Murray Day” public holiday in England to celebrate.

But there is still hope.  Using the power of positive thought we could influence the result.  Send out positive thoughts of Andy Murray crashing to a humiliating defeat throughout the day and it could make the difference.  It works for Uri Geller!

Alternatively, there’s always the tried and tested voodoo doll idea.

Can you imagine how unbearable it would be if Miserable Murray won Wimbledon?  The 2 hour documentaries and clip shows the BBC will be showing for months afterwards, the knighthood for services to Scottish British tennis, El Gordo gurning his congratulations in Parliament.

God, it doesn’t bear thinking about.  Best get those voodoo dolls ready.

Technorati Tags: Andy Murray, Anyone but Murray, Wimbledon

The Scottish Premier League is looking for a new buyer for £125m of broadcasting rights for the next 4 years and the English Premier League is looking to offload the rest of the matches Setanta had already won the rights to after ESPN took the 45 games that would have been on Setanta next season.

Good.  Serves the greedy bastards right.  £125m for 4 years of what is, to be perfectly honest, amateur football?  They’re taking the piss.  And the English Premier League are really taking the piss.  They may be some of the world’s best football teams but they’re partly responsible for Setanta running out of cash through their greed.

Liverpool are desperately trying to refinance their £350m of debt to avoid bankruptcy with an announcement that RBS have virtually guaranteed to refinance their share of Liverpool’s debt coming on the same day that they announced a £17.5m transfer for Portsmouth’s Glen Johnson.  How can they even contemplate spending £17.5m for a player when they could be days away from going into administration?  The future of their LiverpoolTV channel – a lucrative source of income – is also in doubt as it was being shown exclusively on Setanta and they haven’t got anyone else to broadcast it.

The English Premier League and Premiership clubs have been pissing money up the wall thinking the amount of money involved is just too big for their pyramid scheme to collapse.  Guess what.  It’s not.

Technorati Tags: Setanta, Premiership

Personally, I couldn’t give a flying fuck which round he crashes out in as long as he cries like a baby.

Amusingly, the above image is the first match in a Google image search for “Anyone But Murray”.

For followers of the perpetual British/Scottish schizophrenia of Andy “Anyone but England” Murray, the Andymurrayometer is worth a visit for a bit of a giggle.

Technorati Tags: Anyone but Murray, Andy Murray, Wimbledon, BBC

All that stands between Shrewsbury Town and a return to League 2 is a couple of games.

At the start of the season it looked like they had promotion in the bag, then it all went a bit iffy before finally scraping back into the play-off zone.

Technorati Tags: Shrewsbury Town

It’s only the Miami Open but the BBC are beside themselves that the miserable jock has won something.  Imagine how unbearable they’d be if he won a grand slam?  Time to stock up on Andy Murray voodoo dolls.

Technorati Tags: Andy Murray, Miami Open

Technorati Tags: Anyone but Murray

Technorati Tags: England, Scotland, France, Rugby, Six Nations

I will be Tweeting the the England -v- Ireland Six Nations game.

Follow the commentary on Twitter or Facebook.

Edit:
If anyone is interested, here’s the commentary from Twitter …

• England get the British national anthem again. When will we get Jerusalem instead?
• National anthem scores: England 0 – 2 Ireland
• All 3 BBC commentators – English, Irish and Welsh – are predicting an Irish win
• Paddy’s are on the offensive, very good at line-outs
• England aren’t even trying to win line-outs, very strange
• Ronan O’Gara misses a penalty for Ireland. A good attempt but it was a long way and a challenging angle.
• England make a break but waste the opportunity with a silly mistake. Lot of foot action going on at the moment.
• England concede a penalty yards from the Irish line. Bit of nastiness. England concede another penalty, O’Gara misses by miles.
• Not a particularly exciting game this, no score so far and neither side looking very dangerous.
• Famous last words – O’Gara scores from a penalty. Third time lucky I guess.
• England attacking, not convincing
• England concede another penalty, Phil Vickery getting attention from the medics.
• Ireland made the only convincing try attempt of the game so far. England put the ball into touch. Huge sigh of relief.
• England come close to scoring a try – much closer than Ireland. Penalty to England, dead on and close. Flood scores an easy 3 points. 3 each
• A dull first half. Score is 3 all. Nobody has shone in the first half, a thoroughly disappointing game so far!
• Second half starting a bit more lively. Words will have been had in the changing rooms.
• O’Driscoll scores a drop goal for Ireland. Score now 6-3 to Ireland.
• Ireland looking much more promising than England. Nasty tackle on O’Driscoll, bet he’s seeing stars right now!
• O’Driscoll runs into an Armitage shaped brick wall. Penalty for Ireland but no idea why. Armitage was trying to avoid tackling off the ball.
• One too many knocks for O’Driscoll, he’s out of the game holding his head. Ireland came within an inch of a try.
• Ireland using a penalty to get a lineout in the England corner.
• Vickery gets a yellow card for playing the ball when he was off his feet – just what we need when Ireland are a few feet from the touchline.
• O’Driscoll still on the pitch and scores a try for Ireland. No idea who went off holding his head then! Maybe there’s more than one?
• O’Gara misses the conversion. England still within reach of a win but a man down and not playing as well as Ireland.
• England looking like they might get a try – a blinding run halfway down the pitch
• England attack is over – England throw the ball out of play and then concede yet another penalty.
• Armitage scores a penalty for England bringing the score to 11-6 to Ireland. England need a converted try to win.
• Toby Flood and Paul Sackey both injured. Andy Goode (aka the missing link) is on the pitch. Danny Care gets a yellow card, no idea why.
• Danny Care got the yellow card for trying to bend an Ireland player the wrong way – well deserved.
• O’Gara scores a penalty for Ireland. England are a man down, the game is Ireland’s
• England suffering from being a man down. Ireland winning 14-6 with 3 minutes plus injury time left to play. The fat lady is warming up
• Armitage scores a consolation try for England! Goode scores the conversion. 30 seconds left to play, a drop kick is all England need
• Ireland wins 14-13 but England almost caused an epic upset in the dying moments. Awful play by both sides and the score reflects that

Technorati Tags: Twitter, Facebook, England, Ireland, Rugby, Six Nations

Don’t worry though, there’s still time to make your very own Andy “Anyone but England” Murray voodoo doll by following these simple instructions.

Technorati Tags: Andy Murray

The English, Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish fan associations are all opposed to a British football team and the Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish football associations are also opposed.  Only the English FA supports the creation of a British team.

EL Gordo said:

He has not interest in whether English people see “the benefits” of the 2012 Olympics, he just requires that we pay for it and supply medal athletes for the British team.

Gordo also said he had talked to Sepp Blatter about the …

The continued representation of the English FA in international tournaments is also of no interest to the Ignorant Jock who clearly envisages the English team carrying on the Team GB name after 2012.

According to the BBC …

Again, no mention of England, the sacrificial lamb of the Brownian Peoples Republic of New Britain.

The Goblin King says that he and Seb Coe have already spoken to lifelong Liebour supporter and fellow Scot, Alex Fergusson, about managing the British team.  It has also been suggested that the first Team GB match is played at Hamden Park to increase public support for the team.  Once again, it isn’t English support that they’re interested in, it’s celtic support.

So we’re still looking at a British team comprised of English players managed by a Scotsman and the continued existence of an England under critical threat.  Like I said back in September, sport is truly a microcosm of society.

Technorati Tags: Sepp Blatter, No Mandate Brown, Football, Team GB, Olympics

Watching a team I remember being one of the best in England go down 1-0 to a non-league team is great but wathing them consistently out-played by the underdogs was excellent.  Histon deserve their FA Cup third round place.
Histon played brilliantly and the game reminded me of why I prefer lower league or non-league football to premiership football.  Can you imagine someone like Arsenal or Chelsea playing like Histon just did?

Technorati Tags: Histon, Leeds