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Sunday, December 18, 2005

Christmas songs ...

Why are Christmas songs so popular? Let's face it, most of them are just cheesy naffness with a catchy tune. They don't even make sense!

When the snowman brings the snow
Actually, it's more to do with the temperature of rain-bearing clouds.
Well he just might like to know
How does he know anything? Snowmen are made of snow.
He's put a great big smile on somebody's face
Does he? Snow is cold, I don't like being cold.
If you jump into your bed
It'll break.
Quickly cover up your head
You'll suffocate.
Don't you lock the doors
Are you kidding? I don't fancy waking up Christmas morning to find the telly's been nicked.
You know that sweet Santa Claus in on the way
He's not real.

[Chorus]
Well I wish it could be Christmas every day
Why? It's expensive, the kids haven't been at school for a week and they're climbing the walls.
When the kids start singing and the band begins to play
Ok, when was the last time you saw this? Not on TV.
Oh I wish it could be Christmas every day
I refer to my previous comment.
So let the bells ring out for Christmas
Yay, I love being woken at 7am by bloody church bells.

When we're skating in the park
Amongst the bottles, hypodermics and dumped matresses?
If the snow cloud makes it dark
It usually makes it lighter because it reflects light better.
Then your rosy cheek's gonna light my merry way
Frostbite is so merry.
Now the frosty paws appear
Animals love frostbite too.
And they've frozen up my ear
I can't think of anything more fun than ear ache.
So we'll lie by the fire
And get covered in bits of spitting coal and wood.
'Til the sleet simply knocks 'em all away
Wet, dirty and slippery. I can hardly wait.

[Chorus]

When the snowman brings the snow (snowman brings the snow)
It's nothing to do with snowmen.
Well he just might like to know (just might like to know)
No brain.
He's put a great big smile on somebody's face
How?
So if Santa brings that sleigh (Santa brings that sleigh)
He isn't real!
All along the Milky Way (along the Milky Way)
North Pole to England via Alpha Centauri? Santa needs GPS.
I'll sign my name on the rooftop in the snow
Isn't walking along a snow-topped roof a bit dangerous?
Then he may decide to stay
Because you're so special he'd choose you out of the other few billion people on the planet.

[Chorus]

Why don't you give your love for Christmas?
Bah humbug.