Car Keys - what a drama!

You can't make this stuff up.

Tomorrow I am taking Mrs Sane away for 4 days of debauchery and relaxation in a hotel with no kids. This morning we decided to drop off some suitcases at my mum's house so we had enough boot space for our own luggage when we drop #3 and #4 off tomorrow morning en-route.

We all had coats and shoes on ready to go then ... where are the keys? Long story short, me, Mrs Sane, Mother-in-Law and mini-wonko's #1 & 2 spent the whole day today turning the house upside down looking for the keys.

Places searched ...

• Cupboards
• Drawers
• In, under and on furniture
• Microwave
• Fridge
• Freezer
• Dishwasher
• Washing Machine
• Tumble Drier
• Shoe Rack
• Subwoofers
• Bins
• Beds
• Toy Boxes
• Garden

I phoned a Citroen dealer who said they could get a key, it takes 24-48 hours to arrive, I have to provide log book and ID which are faxed to France and the can't be ordered until tomorrow as the world is closed on Sunday.

In desperation I phoned a 24 hour auto-locksmith. He very helpfully offered to come and do it for a very reasonable price (considering it's a Sunday) of a £15 callout fee plus £25 for the key. "All I need," he said, "is the key code and security code for the ECU". Ah. Quick phone call, hope waning, to the company that sold us the car. "Yes we've got the details sir, have you got a pen?" They gave me the key code and security code I was chuffed. I phoned back the auto-locksmith and gave him the codes. "The security code is 4 digits, not 3 sir". Bugger. "I'll check the key code for you ... nope, not a valid key code sir." Arse!

PHoned my mum and got her to loan us her car. She brought it up, Mrs Sane ran her back home and then drove back to Sane Manor again. "That car is crap" she said. "Oh joy" I thought. "The accelerator is too stiff and I can't possibly drive it all the way" she said. "You'll have to," I said, "I'm not insured to drive it. Perhaps you'd get oon better if you were wearing some proper shoes instead of half a pair of trainers?" (I was referring to these slip on things she has).

Anyway, I'm rambling again. We gave the kids a bath and asked Joseph (as the number one culprit for having hidden them) if he knew where the keys were ... again. "In the cupboard" he said. "Which cupboard Joseph?" I asked. "In the back" he said. "In the back where Joseph?" I said. "In the back of the front" he replied. Just winding us up we thought.

Mrs Sane gave it one last try before bed time. "Where are the keys Joseph?" she asked. "In the cupboard" he said. "Which cupboard Joseph?" she asked. "This one" he said pointing to a cupboard which me, Mrs Sane and Mother-in-Law had all checked. "Where Joseph?" she said. "Here" he said and pulled the keys out of one of the pockets on a christmas stocking type thing.

Mrs Sane jumped around the room screaming and kiassing Joseph to within an inch of his live.

I think today has wiped at least 5 years off my life expectancy.