Tried, Tested and Recommended by Wonko:

Monday, July 31, 2006

Final Destination 3

Mrs Sane bought me Final Destination 3 yesterday as I'm a big fan of the first two films.

As a sequel, and a second sequel at that, I had a nagging doubt in the back of my mind that this would be disappointing. It wasn't.

It wasn't as good as the first film but when Final Destination first came out it was new, something that hadn't been done before. They have obviously realised that they can't recapture the same suspense and atmosphere of the first film because they have concentrated more on gruesome deaths and excellent effects instead.

The deaths in Final Destination 3 are as inventive as they were in the first film but it's far more gory. I won't spoil it for people who haven't watched it but let's just say, I will never be tempted to go on a sunbed for as long as I live!

The DVD has an extra feature where you can choose the path the film takes which apparently gives you the chance to potentially save the characters. It's kind of like those books you used to read as kids (remember when Weetabix gave them away if you collected 3 million tokens?) where you read a few pages and then it gives you a question like "Should Billy go down the cellar steps? If yes, go to page 34. If no, go to page 45" and then Billy gets his head caved in by an axe murderer. I haven't tried this feature out yet but I'll let you know if it's any good when I do.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Evesham Make an Offer

Evesham have made me an offer of compensation for the complete mess they made with my Evesham Laptop.

They have offered to refund me the monthly payment I have paid while they had my Evesham Laptop ... for a month. So, not actually compensation at all but a refund of what I've paid while they lost my laptop for a month.

They've offered me this money in full and final settlement of all issues - including my reference to breach of contract. Question is, should I accept their offer?

Should I accept Evesham's offer?
Free polls from

Americans send bombs to Israel

Last Thursday I said:

Unconfirmed reports state that the Americans are stepping up their humanitarian efforts in the middle east by sending more guns and bombs to the brave Israeli freedom fighters.*

* I made this up.
I said this in jest but it turns out that it was true. Not only was it true but the Americans used a British airport as a stop-over point on the way over with 500 bombs for the Israeli invasion self-defence of Lebanon. Isn't it illegal to help someone break the law? The Americans are guilty by helping the Israeli's illegally invade self-defence Lebanon and Traitor Blair by helping the Americans help the Israeli's. Yet another war crime to add to the charge sheet. Come the revolution ...

Virtual March

So, did you take part in yesterday's virtual march on the Treasury?

Post your email in the comments, it'd be interesting to see what they've received.

Here's mine:

Dear Gordon,

Please can you explain where England's £42bn net contribution to the EU is coming from? I don't have a degree in macroeconomics but it's plain to see that while English pensioners are living in poverty and English cancer patients are being refused drugs through lack of money, we can't afford to give this sort of money to the EU.

Furthermore, with corruption and fraud rife at every level in the federation, it is clearly inappropriate to donate a single penny until they have got their act together. I don't need to tell you that the corruption is so bad that the EU's own auditors have refused to sign off their accounts for 11 years. I think you would be very hard pushed to find anyone that thinks their tax is being spent wisely on the European federal project and you do, of course, have a duty to ensure that our tax is not stolen and is spent for our benefit and in accordance with our wishes.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Virtual March on the Treasury

The Democracy Movement is organising a virtual march on the Treasury tomorrow on or after 12 noon.

The purpose of the virtual march is to ask the Ignorant Jock where the £42bn net contribution to the EU budget that Traitor Blair has promised is actually coming from and to demand that our contribution is suspended until such time as they can guarantee that the money won't be lost to fraud and corruption. EU accounts haven't been signed off by their own accountants for 11 years because they are fraudulent.

The email address to send to is

Please try and make your message as personal as possible and ask another question as well so that they can't send you a copy+paste reply.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Regional Health Authority pokes its nose in

Shrewsbury & Telford NHS have worked out a plan on how to cut costs and cope with their debts.

Meanwhile, the British government creates a West Midlands Strategic Health Authority with no public consultation and suddenly the board of the Strategic Health Authority - based in Birmingham and only having responsibility for Telford & Shrewsbury for a matter of weeks - knows best and decides that they can't go ahead with their plans until it's been considered by Birmingham.

More and more of the decisions affecting our lives are being taken at a regional level. Nobody wants the euro-regions and nobody asked for them.

Bone Cancer Drug Denied to English

Another cancer drug is being denied to English patients but given to North British, West British and North West British patients with English taxpayers paying the bill.

The Daily Mail reports the story with some interesting readers comments.

Defying Logic

This is a perfect example of the lengths people will go to to defend the actions of Israel.

Apparently, 60 Iranians are on their way to Lebanon after volunteering to fight the Israeli invasion. If they are caught by the Israeli's then this, we are told, would be all the proof Israeli needs that the Iranians are behind the latest crisis (nothing to do with Israel invading Lebanon again).

When the British Army landed in Afghanistan they found British muslims fighting alongside the Taliban. Surely, then, this is proof that the Taliban were backed by the British?

A bizarre conclusion to say the least but this is how far some people will go to defend the actions of Israel, no matter how much they "frustrate the will of the international community" (every UN member except the UK, USA and Israel have called for an immediate ceasefire) and blow up innocent civillians.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

I DON'T have idiot stamped on my forehead

Evesham have finally delivered my replacement Evesham Laptop. Am I happy? No.

Firstly, I was told that they were replacing my laptop because of the unacceptable amount of time they had my faulty one. Then I discover that they have, in fact, lost my old laptop. Then they tell me that it's taking such a long time to get me a replacement because they're waiting for it to be built. This "new" laptop has half an inch of dust on the inside (pictures to follow). Laptops are assembled in a dust-free environment so this one must have been sat on a shelf for weeks. The protective coverings are half off and similarly covered in dust.

Currently waiting for a call back from my HR manager to tell me if the company is willing to pull the plug on this contract with Evesham. I can't cancel under this scheme because my employer has the contract with Evesham, I just pay for it.

Close, but no Laptop

As promised, a courier turned up just now with my replacement Evesham Laptop ... and took it away again.

Evesham have booked it as a swap-out so he's expecting the laptop Evesham have had for almost a month in exchange for the new one.

The words piss-up and brewery spring to mind.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Oi, that's my analogy

Newsnight have nicked my analogy about Hezbollah/Israel and IRA/Ireland. I said that Israel attacking the nation of Lebanon because of the actions of a terrorist group based there would be the same as the UK attacking the Republic of Ireland for the actions of the IRA.

Ok, I don't know that they actually stole my analogy but has visited my blog 34 times in the last 7 days. It's good to see that I'm not the only one who sees the gaping holes in Israel's defence against its agression in Lebanon.

A Rabbi and some Arab have just been arguing on Newsnight about how Israel should be judged. It was pretty level pegging until the Rabbi came out with the shittest excuse for Israel attacking the Lebanese nation, punishing and killing civillians - 6 years ago Hezbollah attacked Israel after Israel had pulled out of Lebanon. Honestly, the man should be embarrassed. Even Paxman didn't bother telling him he was a tit.

Evesham Promise to Deliver

Just had a phone call from a customer care team leader at Evesham.

He's apparently been asked to contact me to see if he can sort out my replacement Evesham Laptop. It appears that my laptop is ready but hasn't been sent because they don't know where my old Evesham Laptop is and have I got it? Absolutely priceless!

The whole point of my daily phone calls is that they have had my laptop for weeks. Or, more to the point, they sent it a few minutes down the road from my house weeks ago.

So, was the woman who told me that I was getting a replacement because of the unacceptable delay telling the truth or just telling me porkies because they'd lost my laptop? I'll ask when I send in my compensation claim.

Anyway, this team leader person has promised to get me a laptop delivered to my work address tomorrow. Will it happen? Answers on a postcard (or in the comments).

Condy Goes to Lebanon, Saves World

US Secretary of State Terrorism, Condoleezza Rice, has flown out to Lebanon today to tell them what they have to do get the Americans to call off the Israeli's.

On the flight over Condy said there was an urgent need for a cease-fire but the conditions had to be right.

She will be meeting the Lebanese Prime Minister first (presumably having first gained permission from the Israeli's) and then travelling on to Israel to meet the Israeli Prime Minister.
A British Home Office minister was on the telly this morning saying that Hezbollah is ruthless and stores rockets in blocks of flats. This is obviously why Israel has been blowing up self-defencing blocks of flats full of people.

Condy says that Hezbollah must no longer be allowed to "plunge Lebanon and the region into war" by using their pysychic powers to force innocent Israeli freedom fighters to blow up self-defence civillians with their American fighters.

Not content with evicting the one village near Qana and then blowing up self-defencing the convoy of fleeing civillians the other day, Israeli freedom fighters blew up self-defenced another one yesterday which contained a European journalist who was quite obviously a dangerous Hezbollah terrorist just like the young girl they blew up self-defenced the last time.

It is thought that Condy won't press for an immediate cease-fire but is probably just going to find out how long Israel needs the Americans to keep blocking UN resolutions for them so they can keep blowing up self-defencing Lebanon.

The Israeli ground invasion liberation of Southern Lebanon has met with resistance from Hezbollah and Lebanese civillians who won't accept the illegal invasion and occupation of their country the help of Israeli peacekeeping forces.

Remember, we must all remain vigilant. Terrorists are infiltrating our country and are the masters of disguise. This Hezbollah terrorist, for example, cunningly disguised himself as a young girl before being blown up self-defenced by Israeli freedom fighters.

Passport Fee to rise by 23%

The price of a passport is to rise from £51 to £66 in October this year when they start sporting a wonderful "secure" chip with all your personal details and a scan of your photo on.

I give it a week before readers are freely available on the internet that will be able to pull data from the "secure" chip remotely. But hey, that's ok, because criminals will all carry ID cards so we'll know who they are ...

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Scottish Subsidy £3bn too high

According to the Sunday Times, North Britain receives £3bn per year more in subsidies from the English taxpayer than it actually needs.

Boris Johnson has called for the Ignorant Jock to replace the Barnett Formula with something fair. The Barnett Formula ensures that North Britain, West Britain and North West Britain automatically receive more public spending thank the English get and significantly more than they contribute to the Treasury.

Alex Salmond, the leader of the SNP, immediately rubbished the report claiming that North Britain subsidises the rest of the UK because of North Sea oil revenues. The revenues in question were £7.3bn last year whilst the subsidy paid to North Britain in the same period was £11.3bn leaving a net subsidy of £4bn. It seems the extra money they spend on education in North Britain hasn't been used for decent maths lessons although Alex Salmond did go to school during the dark days of English imperialistic oppression and was probably forced to do hard labour for the English barons instead of learning.

One thing the SNP fail to mention when talking about "oor oil" is that, until relatively recently, a large proportion of North British oil was, in fact, English oil. The maritime border was moved by the British government from its correct position in accordance with international convention which is an extension of the land border to a position parallel from the mainland meaning that the maritime border no longer pointed upwards on both the east and west coast and incorporated English north sea oil and gas into North British territorial waters. They also fail to mention that revenues from English oil and gas (it's not just found in the North Sea) are also paid straight into the British treasury the same as for North British oil and gas.

It has been brought to my attention that this story was only in the North British edition of the Sunday Times. Why? This is plainly of very great interest to the English, why wouldn't they publish this story in the English edition of the newspaper?

Friday, July 21, 2006

Take the pledge

"I will write to Jack Straw to tell him he's a cretin but only if 100 other people will too."

— James Graham, Concerned Citizen

Deadline to sign up by: 28th July 2006
18 people have signed up, 82 more needed

How can any right-thinking person refuse? Take the pledge.

Hat-tip: Bloggerheads

Letter: Shropshire Star

Voting bid will assist case for parliament

The Conservatives have adopted English Votes on English Laws (EVoEL) as one of their key policies. EVoEL, whilst doomed to failure for many reasons, is an important proposal.
The Conservatives are the first of the main political parties to acknowledge that there is something wrong with MPs representing constituencies in Scotland and Wales voting on matters that only affect England.

The Conservatives’ answer is to ban MPs not elected in England from taking part in votes on bills that only affect England.

They would have the Spe-aker of the House (currently a Labour MP with a Scottish constituency) certify that a bill only affected England and from then on only MPs elected in England would be able to take part in the vote.

Sounds like a perfect solution right? Wrong.

Scotland and Wales are both heavily subsidised by the English taxpayer and anything in England that costs money will reduce the amount of money available to subsidise them.

Scottish and Welsh MPs have already realised that they will therefore be able to claim an interest in any so-called English bill, rendering the EVoEL concept completely useless.

Labour is clearly concerned at the thought of not being able to use Scottish MPs to vote through legislation in England.

Despite EVoEL being unworkable, I sincerely hope the the Conservatives manage to get it through. Once they have accepted that it is wrong for foreign MPs to vote on English laws and EVoEL has failed, they will have no choice but to adopt a policy supporting an English parliament.

Stuart Parr, Telford

Full marks to the Independent

Makes you proud doesn't it?

It's good to see that when the whole world - including such beacons of democracy as Afghanistan, Albania and Iraq - are calling for an immediate cease-fire in Lebanon that Bush and Bliar are plunging to such new depths of moral destitution that they can continue to support the Israeli reign of terror in Lebanon and Palestine.

This post from ngarluma2 does a pretty good job of reporting events so far. It includes this picture of a young Lebanese girl who was killed when the car she was travelling in - on Israeli instructions - was blown up by an F-16 fighter. The Israeli's ordered her village to evacuate and then blew up the convoy of cars they were leaving in. The evacuee's had tried to claim refuge in the nearby UN base at Qana but since the Israeli's bombed the base in 1996 killing 106 Lebanese civillians, the UN has banned civillians from taking refuge there. As the convoy left the vicinity of the base, an Israeli F-16 fighter plane blew them up.

I'm not sure what the recruitment criteria are for Hezbollah but my guess is that she wasn't a Hezbollah terrorist.

Like I said, there are three countries involved in this war but only one army. The Israeli's are deliberately targetting civillians and then claiming that they are only after terrorists. The Americans refuse to speak out against Israel's actions which are in clear, undisputable and unexcusable breach of international law. The Israeli government and military leaders should all be brought before a war crimes tribunal at the Hague.

Hat-tip: BloggerHeads

Evesham emails

Thought I'd share the latest Evesham emails with you ...

From: ********* [mailto:*********]
Sent: 20 July 2006 12:05
To: Customer Care Support
Cc: (Company Director); Carolyn Worth (Press Officer)
Subject: I want my laptop!
Importance: High

Go to and search for "Evesham Laptop". Scroll down the first page until you find the 8th match - titled "Wonko's World: Eveshambles". Read it - does it sound familiar? It should do because I have been phoning up almost daily trying to get you to do your job but you don't seem to want to help me. This is what happens when you don't look after your customers - bad publicity.

That article is now at 8th place in Google, less than 2 days after writing it. Where do you think it will be in a couple of days?

Let's play a game - why don't we see if you can get me a replacement laptop (or cancel the agreement and give me a refund) before that article is one of the top 3 matches every time someone searches for "Evesham Laptop" in Google? I reckon you've got until Monday.
Today I got this ...

Dear Mr Parr

Thank you for your e-mail of the 20th July 2006.

Please accept our apologies if our actions have caused you any disquiet. We have established a reputation for supplying quality equipment, backed up by first class after sales support. We regret that you have had to write to us about this matter.

We do recognise that you are free to discuss your relationship with Evesham Technology with whomsoever you choose and we would like to offer our assurances we are endeavouring to satisfy all our customer's requirements. We are obviously very concerned when things go wrong. However, whilst Google may be a powerful tool it unfortunately it does not help to build your order any quicker.

We appreciate your comments concerning the cancellation of the contract, however at this juncture we do feel it appropriate to highlight that under the terms of the HCI agreement your contract of Sale is with your employer. Evesham Technology cannot cancel an agreement which exists between your employer and yourself.

We shall endeavour to have the replacement machine delivered to you as quickly as possible but regret that your posting on Google does not help to expedite matters.

Yours sincerely

Sebastian Leaver │ Customer Support Advisor │ Evesham Technology
Tel: +44 (0)870 1609534 │ Fax: +44 (0)1386 769796 │
To which I replied ...

I understand that Google doesn't help you build a laptop any quicker, however it does help to inform potential buyers of exactly what they are letting themselves in for if they buy an Evesham laptop. I am not alone in this, there have been hundreds of complaints about Evesham from people who bought the same laptops on the same company scheme. There is even a website somebody has written detailing his struggle to get a working laptop out of Evesham over a period of 2 years which was last updated a few days ago.

I was pleased when the company chose Evesham because I figured that a large company such as yourselves would be able to offer quality equipment and, more importantly, good service. How wrong could I have been?

I was told I was going to be sent a replacement laptop asap last Tuesday. The replacement wasn't even ordered until last Friday. If you are trying to sort this out quickly and provide excellent after sales service then why did it take 4 days to order a replacement laptop and why, nearly a month after having my laptop collected (remember I have an on-site warranty), am I still without a laptop?

I don't expect miracles but I do expect a decent level of service. I refuse to believe that a company the size of Evesham or Mitac (I was told they were the manufacturers of the laptop) don't have a single laptop in stock to send me. I have worked for Enta in the past and the build time for a laptop is a matter of hours. I have also worked for a Dell repair centre and they can collect a laptop from anywhere in Europe, ship it to the UK, repair it and get it back to the customer in 3 days flat. That's good service - leaving a customer without a laptop for a month isn't.

If I can't cancel the agreement with you then can my employer? If they were to write to you and ask to cancel this particular agreement would you agree to that? You clearly aren't capable of delivering the goods or service that you have offered.


Evesham Laptop

Could this be a Googlebombing record? After only 3 days, Evesham Laptop has hit the number 1 spot in and the number 2 spot in

Thanks to everyone who has helped make this happen. I called Evesham yesterday and emailed them to tell them I want to cancel the agreement for the laptop. They don't like talking to me any more.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Walking on Eggshells

Why is it that British and American politicians are always walking on eggshells when it comes to Israel?

The situation is simple - there are three sovereign nations involved in the conflict but only one government and one army. The Lebanese and Palestinian governments and armed forces are not involved in the conflict. The Israeli's are supposedly going after militants based in both of those countries but an awful lot of civillians seem to be getting killed and there are next to no casualties amongst Hamas or Hezbollah.

The Egyptian Prime Minister stood next to Condy Rice last night and said that there should be an immediate ceasefire but as he was walking away from the podium, Condy rushed over to a microphone and said "only when it is prudent to do so". For fucks sake!

Now Margaret Beckett has said that she understands "the provocation" the Israeli's face (from militants, not the Palestinian or Lebanese governments but lets not let facts get in the way of some arse licking) but said that they need to act in a "proportionate" manner. What she actually meant was "Yes, I understand that you're a bit pissed off about your soldiers being kidnapped but actually you're breaking international law yet again and it would be far less embarassing for the British government if we didn't have to try and defend you when you are cleary a bunch of warmongering fuckwits". But, of course, she can't say that because Israel is under American protection and is therefore allowed to do what the fuck they want whether it is legal or right.

Meanwhile, several thousand British citizens have been evacuated by Royal Navy warship (I guess the Israeli's must have graciously given their permission for them to enter Lebanese waters) before Israel had a chance to blow them up. The UN has chartered a ferry to evacuate other foreign nationals from Southern Lebanon but the Israeli's are too busy trying to bomb Southern Lebanon into the stone age at the moment so it's not safe for it to dock at Tyre.

Unconfirmed reports state that the Americans are stepping up their humanitarian efforts in the middle east by sending more guns and bombs to the brave Israeli freedom fighters.*

* I made this up.

Haloscan Emoticons

I want to add some more emoticons to Haloscan but all the Haloscan forums seem to offer is a solution to replace the existing emoticons by replacing the images using Javascript. I know how to add support for more emoticons into Haloscan but I am rubbish at Javascript so I can't code it myself.

If anyone out there is a bit of a dab hand with Javascript and has a spare 10 minutes on their hands, perhaps they'd like to volunteer to write a short script?


A quick search for Evesham Laptop on Google shows that the post about my Evesham Laptop saga is now in 8th place after only 2 days.

My thanks to everybody who has linked to the Evesham Laptop post for helping to bring their terrible build quality and customer service into the public eye. Hopefully it will make people think twice before buying an Evesham Laptop and prompt Evesham to improve their service.

Metrication will be complete by 2010

The EU is issuing a Metric Directive which, when it takes effect in 2010, will ban the expression of any unit of measurement in imperial units.

This will include books, magazines, websites, etc. It will even apply to measurements used internally by businesses that are not intended for public consumption.

According to the EU, this is to improve public health, safety and trade. Presumably this directive will also extend to road signs and speedo's in cars meaning that millions of drivers in England will be faced with metric road signs that they don't understand and speed limits and speedo's that are meaningless to everyone brought up using English measurements.

More on this at an Englishman's Castle and BWMA.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Better Off Out

Click here to sign the Campaign for an Independent Britain's petition to take the UK out of the EU.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006


Evesham Portal - all the Evesham-related links from the Eveshambles saga


Evesham have got to be the worst laptop company in the history of the entire universe.

I had an Evesham laptop through one of those company lease to buy tax free schemes that the UK government has just abolished. I got it a couple of months ago. It was a nice laptop, bristling with features and a nice big wide screen. The only problem was that after a couple of weeks the battery stopped charging.

I phoned Evasham and told them about the problem and they told me to send them the faulty battery for repair and they would return it when repaired. Bearing in mind that I am also paying for an on-site warranty, I declined the offer and insisted they send me a replacement and I'd send the old one back to which they agreed.

After about a week I phoned to chase the battery to be told they were waiting for me to return the battery to them. I explained the situation again and reminded them that they had supplied me with inherently faulty good and that I had only had the laptop a few weeks and they eventually sent a courier to exchange the battery.

Anyway, after a day or two the replacement battery also failed to charge so I called Evesham and told them what was happening and the person on the end of the phone agreed with me that it was probably a motherboard problem and that they would need to collect my laptop for repair and this would take 7-10 days. Bit annoyed at having to send the laptop in for repair but if needs must and all that.

The 7-10 days was up and I'd not heard a peep out of Evesham so I called them to chase it up. The laptop had been sent to the manufacturer for repair they said and it would take another 7-10 days. I thanked them for not telling me and asked who the manufacturer was. It turns out that it's Mitac and my laptop is a tantalisingly close 2 minutes from where I live. Rather annoyed that it took them over a week to decide they couldn't repair my laptop and have snet it to a factory down the road which I could have done myself and saved the effort.

Anyway, more time passes and still nothing from Evesham so I start ringing every day. The repair was supposed to take 7-10 days when I first phoned with the problem and every time I phone it gets further away. In the end, they obviously get fed up with my daily phone call and tell me that they are going to replace the laptop with a new one because the delay is unacceptable. This was last Tuesday, three weeks from when they collected the laptop. The new laptop would be dispatched asap. Lovely.

Nobody calls me to tell me when to expect my new laptop so I phone them up again. The laptop has to be built first, it normally take 5-7 days. Fed up but resigned to the fact that they might not hold that many in stock. Ask them to find out when I can expect it and let me know. They don't. Phone again the next day and it's now 7-10 days. By now I am starting to get irate whenever I phone them. Whenever I ask when the laptop has been requested so I know when the 7-10 days is starting from I get evasive answers and fob-offs.

Today they tell me that my replacement laptop was ordered on Friday last week and that they are doing everything they can to get it to me asap. I point out that they aren't because it's taken them 4 days to order the replacement. They tell me it will probably be built by next Wednesday taking it to over four weeks without a laptop.

I'm seriously considering cancelling the agreement as they haven't supplied the goods or service they agreed to. The build quality is poor to say the least (our company has had hundreds of complaints about Evesham) and the customer service is terrible. The on-site warranty isn't worth the paper it's written on because even when they do come out they aren't interested. My colleague had the same laptop as me on the same day and his has a faulty DVD drive. An engineer came out, replaced it, tested it, found it still didn't work and left it! He's now had to send his laptop for repair and has alrady been told they are 2 days behind schedule.

Don't touch Evesham with a barge pole. They are a terrible company and their laptops are rubbish.

Evesham Emails
Evesham Promises to Deliver
Piss-up & Brewery
I DON'T have idiot stamped on my forehead
Naughty Evesham - revelations from an ex-employee
Eveshambles Part 2 - here we go again

Monday, July 17, 2006

Please sir, can we rescue our citizens?

As Israeli attacks on Lebanon intensify and the civillian death toll rises, the British government has dispatched two warships to evacuate British citizens from Lebanon.

However, because Israel is illegally blockading Lebanon, the British government has said that it needs the permission of the Israeli government to send British warships into Lebanese waters to rescue British citizens.

Personally, I would like to see the warships disregard Israel's illegal blockade and run down any Israeli tub that gets in their way. Lebanese waters are Lebanese, not Israeli and if the British government has the permission of the Lebanese government then the Israeli's can go take a running jump.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Tesco: British products are English

A while ago Tesco gave away a free magazine in the Scotsman newspaper under the headline "FREE TESCO TASTE OF SUMMER SCOTTISH FOOD MAGAZINE THIS WEEKEND". Apparently, this magazine would help you "Discover how to make mouth watering meals using the finest Scottish ingredients this summer, plus practical hints and tips for summer entertaining".

So I wrote to Tesco and asked them when they would be producing the equivalent English magazine. They said:
Thank you for your email.

I sincerely apologise for the delay in responding to your query. I have checked with the relevant department with regards to your query and I would advise you to please purchase the Times or Guardian as they do "food suppliement" magazines.

I hope this information is of help to you.

If you have any further queries please do not hesitate to contact us at quoting TES2282117X.

Kind Regards

Siddique Fayaz
Tesco Customer Service

Slightly missing the point so I thought I would clarify for them:

Will they be Tesco's equivalent of the magazine in the Scotsman? It is impossible to tell which food is English in Tesco because you only label Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish food according to their respective countries so a magazine explaining which Tesco products are English would be very useful.

They eventually replied with this:
Thank you for your email.

Firstly, I would like to thank you for your patience.

Having looked in to this matter for you I have been advised that we do not have any plans at present to have an equivalent magazine for products of an English source.

However, I can confirm that any products which are marked British and which do not have an indicator to state that the source is from Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland are of an English source.

Thank you for your enquiry.

If you have any further queries please do not hesitate to contact us at quoting TES2287332X.

Kind Regards

Paula Suttie
Tesco Customer Service
Do my eyese decieve me? After all the excuses for not labelling anything as English - brand loyalty, England is too big, regions, yada yada yada - it actually turns out that Tesco need do nothing more than simply replace the British flag with an English one. They have previously said that it is too difficult to identify English products because England is too big and complex but all along they have been lying. Anything which says it is of British origin is actually of English origin.

The only cconclusion that can be draw from this is that Tesco has nothing but contempt for its English customers. If North British or West British people refuse to buy anything in their local Tesco with an English flag on it then screw them - the English are 85% of the population of the UK.

If you must shop at Tesco refuse to buy anything with a North British flag on it.

Twat of the Week nominations

Time for Twat of the Week nominations again. Please send them in the usual way - in the comments or contact me.

English hospital may have to refuse Welsh patients

The Royal Shrewsbury Hospital (RSH) has already said that it costs around £1m per year for it to treat Welsh patients, a cost it cannot afford with its already crippling debts.

Now the Robert Jones & Agnes Hunt in Oswestry (RJAH) is finding itself in the same boat. The RJAH is one of the best hospitals in the world for its speciality of bones and joints. I have personally been treated there many times and if it wasn't for the excellent service there I could be in a wheelchair now.

The following is a BBC News story:

Hospital warns on Welsh patients
Robert Jones and Agnes Hunt Orthopaedic Hospital

The hospital is a specialist unit treating people from around the UK
An English hospital just across the Welsh border has warned it could have to stop treating patients from Powys unless it receives more money.

Robert Jones and Agnes Hunt Orthopaedic Hospital (RJAH) in Shropshire says it has treated more Welsh patients this year than it has been paid for.

It said 1,400 patients from Powys would be referred to other hospitals unless the problem was resolved.

Powys Local Health Board (LHB) said it was unable to comment at the moment.

Unfortunately our hands are tied as we have a statutory duty to stay within our budgets
Heather Lewis, hospital finance director

The hospital in Gobowen, near Oswestry, is only a few miles from Wales, and about 40% of its patients - thought to run into the thousands - are from Powys and north Wales.

But it said an estimated 600 patients on waiting lists and a further 800 out-patients from Powys could be referred to other hospitals unless it received more money.

RJAH trust finance director Heather Lewis said: "It must be very distressing for patients from Powys to find that their LHB will not pay for their treatment here.

"Unfortunately our hands are tied as we have a statutory duty to stay within our budgets and remain financially viable."

The hospital said it would hold talks with the LHB next week.

Powys LHB said it would make a full statement about the situation on Monday.

'Wildest nightmares'

Conservative Mid and West Wales AM Glyn Davies said the NHS in Powys was "disintegrating before our very eyes".

The LHB has no money to pay for operations and the people who are going to suffer are my constituents
Mick Bates, Montgomeryshire AM

He said he was told last week by First Minister Rhodri Morgan "that patients from Powys may not in future be referred to the Royal Shrewsbury Hospital because it is in England".

"Never in my wildest nightmares did I think they would be refused access to 'our hospital' at Gobowen," said Mr Davies.

Montgomeryshire Liberal Democrat AM Mick Bates said he had spoken to Welsh Health Minister Brian Gibbons about the problem several times.

"The LHB has no money to pay for operations and the people who are going to suffer are my constituents," he said.

On Monday, Mr Davies criticised a decision by the Shrewsbury and Telford Hospitals NHS Trust to delay announcing how to repay a £30m debt.

Its hospital in Shrewsbury treats about 50,000 people from north Powys and there are fears services could be cut.

A Welsh Assembly Government spokesman said it had kept in contact with the Department of Health about the impact of charges from English hospitals on the NHS in Wales.

He added: "Agreement has been reached with the Department of Health that cross-border activity between England and Wales will not be subject to the English tariff in 2006-07, and guidance issued by both the Department of Health and the Welsh Assembly Government confirms this agreement."

Friday, July 14, 2006

Parking Fines ruling affects Inland Revenue

Anonemouse over at the Anglo Saxon Chronicle tells an interesting tale.

Last week a judge ruled that the Bill of Rights wasn't a defence against parking fines because parking fines aren't fines. He has deigned to tell us what they are instead - they are civil responsibilities - so the line in the Bill of Rights that says (in archaic English) "any promise of fine or forfeiture before conviction is illegal and void" doesn't apply.

Interesting. This saves the £1.2bn per year criminal decriminalised parking industry but poses a bit of a problem for HM Revenue & Customs.

You see, if a company pays a parking fine it can't claim the tax back off it as HMRC's rules specifically exclude parking fines. But parking fines aren't fines, they're civil responsibilities which means that they are allowable business expenses and businesses can set-off their "civil responsibilities" against their tax bills. This is probably going to cost HMRC millions in tax rebates, put extra strain on the treasury and mean that public spending will have to be cut back to absorb the cost and all in the name of denying English citizens their legal rights.

Israel: BBC Have Your Say

The BBC want to hear what you have to say on the latest Israeli "self defence" against Lebanon and Palestine. I just sent this:
Breaking News:

IRA terrorists based in the Republic of Ireland have kidnapped a British soldier.

In retaliation, the British Army has blown up Dublin airport and shelled southern suburbs of the city killing 60 civillians.

Would this be acceptable here? No, but substitute "British" with "Israeli", "Irish" with "Lebanese" or "Palestinian" and "IRA" with "Hezbollah" or "Hamas" and suddenly it's an act of self defence and the Americans send you some more weapons to help you along.

Israel acting in "self defence"

BBC News gave some coverage to the continued Israeli attacks on Lebanon and Palestine. Last night they bombed Beiruit International Airport again, blew up a power station and destroyed roads. They have already destroyed Gaza's only power station and a large portion of their infrastructure leaving Palestinian security forces incapable of complying with Israel's demands that they deal with the militants who kidnapped an Israeli terrorist soldier.

This military offensive isn't going all Israel's way though - Hezobollah militants have fired rockets on Israel's third largest city which is 18 miles inside Israel surprising the Israeli's who weren't aware that they had that kind of weaponry.

The UN is having an emergency debate on the escalating violence in the Middle East, the outcome of which will be a vaguely worded suggestion that perhaps Israel might be doing something wrong which will then be vetoed by the American arms industry government.

Condoleza Rice explained the American position on the situation by saying that Israel should "exercise restraint in this act of self defence".

I wonder what the reaction would have been if the UK had bombed the Republic of Ireland when IRA terrorists attacked British soldiers or if they had bombed Beiruit when Terry Waite was abducted by terrorists there?

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Frater the Traitor resigns!

Micheal Frater aka Frater the Traitor, Chief Executive Collaborator at Telford & Wrekin Council has resigned to take up a position as head of Nottingham City Council.

I wish the people of Nottingham the very best of luck with their new boos. Frater the Traitor has the dubious honour of being the only "local" person to be voted Twat of the Week on this blog. His priorities are as follows: Frater, Labour, Europe, Electorate.

Good riddance to bad rubbish and don't come back.

West Mercia Police merger abandoned

The final word has yet to come from the Home Office but it's 99.9% guaranteed that the merger of West Mercia Police into a West Midlands regional police force covering 5m people has been abandoned.

I would like to think that people power played some part in this but Labour has nothing but contempt for the views of the electorate so I am doubtful.

Letter: Shropshire Star

Wright not right over regional assembly

In July last year, David Wright MP wrote to me and said “I do not think there is any desire at present for either a parliament for England or indeed regional assemblies”.
I wrote to him a couple of months ago and asked him if he would now support an English Parliament following numerous polls showing overwhelming support for the establishment of one.

A BBC News poll showed that 84 per cent of people were in favour of an English Parliament. Unfortunately, Mr Wright decided not to give me his thoughts on the matter on this occasion.
I received a large envelope full of correspondence from Telford & Wrekin Council regarding the West Midlands City Region.

A number of the e-mails regarding the City Region involve none other than David Wright MP — the personal private secretary of David Milliband who was, until recently, Minister for Regions.
Is there not something fundamentally wrong with Mr Wright working against his constituents’ wishes in helping to set up another unelected regional government with no public consultation at all?

Stuart Parr, Telford

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Twat of the Week: Peter Mandleson

Give them the opportunity to say no again?
Another close-run Twat of the Week this week with some old favourites in there vying for the top spot. EU Commissioner Mandleson who, a few days ago, decided that the EU Constitution should be introduced without a democratic vote because otherwise people will say no, just narrowly pipped the cretin, Alistair Darling, to the post with 8 votes against Alistair's 7. First time nominee, Bob "Give all your money to Africa but leave mine alone" Geldof, made a magnificent debut fending off three times winner, Fatty Prescott.

The final standings were as follows:

Alan Duncan 0 (0%)
Ken Clarke 0 (0%)
Oliver Heald 0 (0%)
David Cameron 1 (4%)
Bob Geldof 6 (22%)
John Prescott 5 (19%)
Peter Mandleson 8 (30%)
Alistair Darling 7 (26%)

27 votes total

Woman cleared of contaminating recycling bin

Essex Council's case against a local woman accused of contaminating her recycling bin with food has been thrown out by a judge.

The woman was accused by Essex Council of throwing rubbish into her recycling bin, something that the council's recycling nazi's have forbidden. However, as the woman's solicitor rightly pointed out, the council has no evidence that the woman or ehr children were the ones putting food in the recycling bin - something they have denied doing.

Rather than accept the verdict, Essex Council have called for a change in the law so that someone would be presumed to be guilty of the offence until they prove their innocence rather than the other way round.

Hat Tip: Englishman's Castle

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Zidane goes out with a bang

Zinadine Zidane has marked his final game for France with a red card.

The dirty frog headbutted an Italian player in the chest in a deliberate act of aggression. The referee and linesmen didn't see it and the cocky garlic muncher thought he'd got away with it until the fourth official legged it down the sideline and told the referee what he'd done.


Twat of the Week voting

A bumper crop of twats this week for your pleasure and abuse.

The nominations are as follows:

Alan Duncan - for supporting English Votes on English Legislation
Ken Clarke - for supporting English Votes on English Legislation
Oliver Heald - for supporting English Votes on English Legislation
David Cameron - for supporting English Votes on English Legislation
Bob Geldof - give us all your f**king money ... because I'm too tight to give my millions away
John Prescott - for being a big fat lying turd
Peter Mandleson - for saying that the EU constitution should be revived but this time without a referendum
Alistair Darling - for telling English shops they can't open all day on Sunday even though the shops in his own constituency in Edinburgh Central and the rest of North Britain can open all day

Twat of the Week
Alan Duncan
Ken Clarke
Oliver Heald
David Cameron
Bob Geldof
John Prescott
Peter Mandleson
Alistair Darling
Free polls from

MORI poll shows majority want English Parliament


New Ipsos MORI Poll;
The demand for an English Parliament;
Commissioned by the English Constitutional Convention.

PRESS RELEASE; 8th July 2006:-

41% in favour of an English Parliament

The English Constitutional Convention is pleased to announce that repeated Government claims, of there being no demand for an English Parliament, have now been utterly demolished by the latest Opinion Poll on the subject by leading pollsters, Ipsos MORI.

In the old 2001 poll, often quoted by Government sources, which was conducted with somewhat slanted questions, it was then found that there was then 16% in favour of an English Parliament. In the new (attached) poll, Question 1 is exactly the same question as the Government's poll, and now shows that there is 27% support in England for an English Parliament.

Also now, in Question 2, Ipsos MORI have discovered that, when voters are given more information about the present constitutional arrangements, they then vote 41% in favour of an English Parliament (which is much more than any other option, including the status quo).

These results, reported in the Observer on Sunday 9th July, are highly significant as they show a marked shift towards support for an English Parliament within a federal UK. These levels of support can be contrasted with the results in the Welsh Assembly Referendum, which attracted the votes of a mere 25.3% of their electorate, and with those of the Scottish Parliament Referendum, in which 44% of their electorate voted for the Holyrood Parliament. In those countries these referenda occurred after long campaigns and also after much publicity. This new result in England is, by contrast, without any equivalent publicity.

These new results therefore suggest that the English Constitutional Convention's role, as a non-party political, debating forum seeking consensus on the proper and democratic Constitutional arrangements for an English Parliament, is most timely.

The members of the English Constitutional Convention therefore invite all interested Parties, groups and individuals to join the debate on England's future.

The English Constitutional Convention, Reg. no: 4992294,
Reg. Office:- 12 Stacey Road, Tonbridge, Kent, TN10 3AR
Tel: 01277 896000 Fax: 01277 896050

Saturday, July 08, 2006

F**king Cats

I am sick to death of the local cats shitting all over my garden. I don't have a cat for two reasons - 1) because they irritate my asthma and 2) I can't stand the filthy vermin.

Number two son has come in from the garden covered in cat shit, the back garden stinks of it. It's all over the front law and the other day there was a pile of it on the path outside of the front door. Mrs Sane's swing chair thingy in the back garden has been pissed on and is covered in cat hair.

I've had enough and am at the point now where I'm quite prepared to put them out of my misery. Question is, if I dispatch them in a humane way can I get in trouble for it?

West Midlands City Region

The propoganda machine is in overdrive and nobody is standing up to it.

If you're interested in fighting it, contact me.

Twat of the Week nominations

Nearly forgot about it again! Please send me your Twat of the Week nominations via the contact form or in the comments.

Mandelson insists no referendum on constitution

Source: English Rights Campaign

Peter Mandelson, former UK cabinet minister, now EU Trade Commissioner has told an EU propoganda magazine that any referendum on the EU constitution is going to get a no vote so no referenda should be held.

Unfortunately for Mandy some EU member stats require referenda on EU treaties as part of their constitution.

This is a very good demonstration of how the EU works but it's hardly democratic is it? Will the EU ever embrace democracy? Perhaps the EU's new network of propoganda offices call centres will tell us?

Friday, July 07, 2006

No shopping on Sunday Darling

Alistair Darling, MP for Edinburgh Central (North Britain) and Secretary of State for Trade and Industry (an English department), has told English companies that they can't open their English shops in England all day on Sunday. Meanwhile, shops in his own constituency in North Britain can stay open all day on Sunday as the Department of Trade and Industry don't have a say in what happens in Alistair Darling's own constituency.

Here's a suggestion Alistair, keep your nose out of English affairs and stick to things that affect the people who elect you. And shave your eyebrows, you look ridiculous.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Parking fines aren't fines

Source: Metric Martyrs

A judge has ruled that the Bill of Rights is not a valid defence against a parking fine because a parking fine isn't a fine or forfeiture. So what is a parking fine if it's not a fine? It seems that the judge hasn't felt inclined to tell us.

The Bill of Rights is an important piece of legislation that is broken thousands of times a day. One line in the Bill of Rights says (in modern English), "Any promise of fine or forfeiture before conviction is illegal and void".

The "metric martyrs judgement" against a Sunderland market trader who was fined by Trading Standards Nazi's for selling fruit and veg in lb's and oz's established the precedent that a constitutional law (in this case in particular, the Bill of Rights) cannot be repealed by implication and is therefore unaffected by newer laws that contradict it. Therefore, if the law was upheld, every fine issued without first obtaining a conviction would be illegal and void.

In this particular judgement, the judge also ruled that NPAS, the National Parking Adjudication Service, is independent. NPAS receives a 45p/£ commission for each parking fine that is paid and therefore has an interest in dismissing as many appeals as possible. As NPAS relies on the payment of parking fines and if it were to rule that parking fines were illegal, which is clearly the case, they would instantly lose all their funding.

The judgement is not surprising, however, as illegal fines are a massive business in England - especially for the British government which rakes in billions from summary justice. If the judge were to make the right decision - that the law is the law and must be upheld - the British government would lose a huge cash cow and be forced to pay back billions in illegal fines that it has recovered. Not only would the illegal fines have to be paid back but many of the people who have had their money extorted from them will have had visits from debt collectors, bailiffs and may even have gone to prison for non-payment of what is an illegal and void fine.

So, is it worth the dent in the budget that would result from all fines issued as a result of summary justice rightly being declared illegal and void? Is the principle that the British government should not be allowed to extort money from citizens illegally without first proving their guilt of an offence in a court of law that important? Yes, it is. It starts out with parking fines, then it's fines for dropping litter on the floor or being drunk on the street followed with fines for putting your junk mail in a public bin on the way to work. Where does it stop?

The law is there to protect our rights and privileges, not to restrict or abuse them. The people cannot choose which laws to follow and the establishment certainly should not be able to either.

Twat of the Week: Andy Murray

The first Twat of the Week for a month has turned up a well-deserved result. Initial votes had Sven and Andy Murray neck and neck but the bad tempered North British tennis player, Andy Murray, surged ahead to take a convincing 59% of the vote.

Final standings are as follows:

Sven-Goran Ericsson 8 (20%)
Andy Murray 24 (59%)
Kevin Butcher 4 (10%)
Sepp Blatter 3 (7%)
Jim Hawkins 2 (5%)

41 votes total

It gives me great pleasure to declare Andy Murray this weeks Twat of the Week.

Evesham customer service is shit

I got a laptop through a company shceme from Evesham a couple of months back and it no longer charges a battery. Alarm bells should have started ringing when I asked for a replacement battery and was told to send in the faulty one to be repaired rather than a straight swap but I told them to chuff off and do a swap and they agreed. However, the new battery wouldn't charge either so at a guess it's the charger unit on the motherboard at fault.

I rang them up and told them and they said that it would have to be collected. I have an on-site warranty but apparently the technician decided over the phone that it couldn't be done at my home. I arranged for collection of the laptop and they sent a man in a clapped out escort van who didn't even provide Mrs Sane with a receipt to say he'd collected it.

They had my laptop for a week before deciding that it needed to go back to the manufacturer for repair. The manufacturer is Mitac and their repair centre is 2 minutes' drive from my house. I only found this out after phoning them when I didn't get my laptop back after a week, they hadn't considered volunteering this information.

I called on Monday to chase it up and was told Mitac would have it for 7-10 days. Not impressed. I called again today to complain because I think they're taking the piss. I'm told I might get it back next week. I had a discussion with the lady on the phone about how unacceptable it is that I'm paying for a laptop that I haven't even got because they supplied it to me with an inherent fault. She tells me that 7 days is a standard time for a laptop repair. Unlucky for her, I used to work for a laptop repair company and I know that this is not the case.

I used to work for Celestica who repair Dell laptops. Now, Celestica are a shit company - they couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery - but I know that if I phoned Dell before noon today from virtually anywhere in Europe, they could collect my laptop, return it to the UK, repair it and return it to me on Friday morning.

Anyway, still no sign of the laptop and I'm expected to wait another week to get it back. I phoned the people at our company who deal with the laptop scheme and they've had loads of problems with Evesham. The HR manager here is in contact with an Evesham manager about the complaints and I've added mine to the list.

I'll relay any further developments as and when they occur but in the meantime, DON'T BUY EVESHAM!

Monday, July 03, 2006

Murray Out!

And Murray is out of Wimbledon!

Now, before any of our North British cousins start posting comments about England getting knocked out of the World Cup, can I just point out that we made it to the quarter finals and Andy Murray ... didn't.

Scottish Parliament to legislate in England

According to today's Telegraph, the Scottish Executive is about to give itself the power to fine English people in England if they fish on the River Tweed or its tributaries when they say they can't - even a tributary running through Northumberland that doesn't cross the border at any point.

The Executive already has the power to amend angling times and to enforce the rules but they need the permission of the British government first as the Tweed is partly in England and the Till is entirely in Northumberland. The amendment that is about to be nodded through removes the requirement for the British government to approve the changes meaning the Scottish Executive can legislate in England and fine English people for breaking a Scottish law in England.

Twat of the Week Voting

Some good nominations this week and not a politician amongst them!

Click here to see the actual nominations.

Twat of the Week
Sven-Goran Ericsson
Andy Murray
Kevin Butcher
Sepp Blatter
Jim Hawkins
Free polls from

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Muslim only day at Alton Towers

Alton Towers is having a muslim-only day. Apparently it's to help integrate them into the wider community. During the muslim-only day, all food served will be Halal, there will be no gambling and prayer times will be observed.

As one muslim said when interviewed on the telly earlier today, how is separating muslims (12,000 expected) from non-muslims going to integrate them?

Tories will not back down on EVoEL

The Tories have said that they will not back down on English Votes on English Legislation and are set to use the West Lothian Question as a big stick with which to beat the Ignorant Jock.

EVoEL won't work but this is a step in the right direction. Once it has been established that MP's with North British or West British constituencies have no right to legislate in England and EVoEL causes the massive constitutional mess that can be the only end result, the only choice will be devolution for England.

England Out

England has bowed out of the World Cup after losing to Portugal on penalties. After losing Beckham to an injury and Rooney to an undeserved red card, the 10-man England team outplayed the Portuguese actors team for what remained of the second half and through injury time.

Rumours that Jack McConnell has declared a national holiday have yet to be substantiated.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Bollocks To Blair

A market trader in Leicester has been fined £80 for harassment for selling "Bollocks to Blair" t-shirts. Who was he harassing? He might find out when he gets his day in court as he has vowed to fight it all the way.

There are a few countries that ban criticism of their leaders. I believe this is the case in Cuba, Saudi Arabia, Iran ... you get the picture.