Prize Competition

! This post hasn't been updated in over a year. A lot can change in a year including my opinion and the amount of naughty words I use. There's a good chance that there's something in what's written below that someone will find objectionable. That's fine, if I tried to please everybody all of the time then I'd be a Lib Dem (remember them?) and I'm certainly not one of those. The point is, I'm not the kind of person to try and alter history in case I said something in the past that someone can use against me in the future but just remember that the person I was then isn't the person I am now nor the person I'll be in a year's time.

At great minimal expense to myself I am running a competition … with a prize!

The author of the best resignation speech for Tony Bliar will receive the following:

Your speech will be printed off and sent, along with a St Georges Day card, to 10 Downing Street in time for St Georges Day.  You will also be sent a unique hand-made St Georges Day card, commissioned specially for this competition, in time to send to a friend/relative/anglophobe for the 23rd April.

This competition is being run in conjunction with Kits for Cards.

If you don’t want to take part in the competition but would like to help judge the entries, send an email to the address below.

Legal stuff:

  • Only one entry per person
  • No more than 500 words
  • All entries must be received by 12:00 English time Wednesday 18th April 2007
  • There is no cash alternative
  • Judges and their partners or close relatives are not permitted to take part
  • Your home is at risk if you do not keep up repayments on your mortgage
  • Card may contain nuts, don’t eat it
  • My decision is final

All entries must be sent to


  1. revinkevin (176 comments) says:

    I think the best one will start something along these lines:

    As I write this from my prison cell…..

  2. John (37 comments) says:

    What about Scottish time?

  3. Dunc (9 comments) says:

    how about:

    “I’m a right fucking twat and I made a complete balls up of this country

  4. Dunc (9 comments) says:

    Whoops, pressed enter a bit too soon there 😉

    “I’m a right fucking twat and I made a complete balls up of this country. I’ve fucked over the working classes of this land, and to be honest, I’ve been more concerned about being a celebrity than doing a good job as Prime Minister. I apologise also for dragging the UK into the Iraq war. I just wanted to impress my bestest buddy, Dubya. Sorry!”

  5. Dunc (9 comments) says:

    Sorry for the comment spamming but I like this site. As an Englsh man and being born on the 23rd April I think we bloody well oughta have it as a holiday.

  6. wonkotsane (1133 comments) says:

    Spam away. The best one I heard yesterday was “I’d like to apologise for screwing up the country, I resign. PS it was Gordon’s fault”.

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