A primary school in Inverness has cancelled an adventure holiday for its pupils after the mother of a disabled pupil threatened to sue the school for discrimination because her daughter was incapable of taking part.
Rather than tell the idiot mother to crawl back under whatever rock she’d dragged herself out from underneath, Highland Council has [...]

Liebour has managed to hold on to the Glasgow North East seat vacated by the disgraced ex-Speaker, Micheal Martin (now Lord Martin but, like Peter Mandelson, entirely undeserving of the honorific), albeit with a reduced majority.
Liebour won with 12,231 votes, followed by the SNP with 4,120.  The Tories just managed to keep their deposit with [...]

A translation company is advertising for “Glaswegian English” interpreters.
The advert says:
“GLASWEGIAN” Interpreters: Translation company seeks speakers of “Glaswegian English” with knowledge of vocabulary, accent, nuances, to meet interpreting needs of clients who fund it an unexpected challenge. 
I expect the Scottish government will be giving out grants for “Glaswegian English” interpreters before long.

Thank god for that, Miserable Murray, the English hating jock has lost to Andy Roddick.  Like I said this morning, life would be unbearable if he’d have won.

Interestingly, if you search for the phrase Anyone but Murray in Google, the top match is a post I wrote on this blog last week, relegating the BBC [...]

The cheese eating surrender monkeys last week and the sweaty socks this week.  We might not have won the Six Nations but we battered both the auld enemies and that’s good enough for me.

Technorati Tags: England, Scotland, France, Rugby, Six Nations

Good news!  The Royal Bank of Scotland has announced that it is going to use £1.7bn of the magic money the Bank of England invented to issue new mortgages.  But only in Scotland.
RBS is, I imagine, keen to reassert its Scottish credentials now that the “English” government owns most of it.  How ironic that the [...]

Well, I made it to Scotland (just about) and I’ve not been detained for crimes against the promised land so far!
I nearly didn’t make it – I forgot to take my passport with me for photo ID but luckily the departures people accepted my work security pass as valid ID even though it’s not got [...]

I know it’s hard to believe but it appears that being a Scottish bank hasn’t, as previously thought, been a good enough reason for investors to plough their life savings into a bankrupt Royal bank of Scotland. Go figure.
RBS had another bumper rights issue as part of the deal with the devil Alistair Darling [...]

Liebour have won the by-election in Glenrothes, a bordering constituency to No Mandate Brown’s Kirkcaldy & Cowdenbeath constituency.
When John MacDougal died earlier this year (following a visit by Jonah Brown, incidently) Liebour had a majority of over 10,000.  Their majority has now been reduced to 6,737 with a swing to the SNP of 5%.
The Conswervatives [...]

Well, what a bumper day this has been for letters.
First of all there’s this one in the Shropshire Star, in response to the council announcing that they’re going to put in average speed cameras on one of the safest roads, relatively speaking, in the borough:

Average speed trap not fair for motorists
Councillor Bentley wants average speed [...]

I already wrote about the Glasgow East by-election result on the CEP blog this morning so I won’t do it again here except to comment on what an enormously stupid muppet Nick Clegg is for failing to lay the boot in to Gordon Brown like anyone with an ounce of political sense would do.
While David [...]

Me again. Wonko will get back from his well-earned break and wonder what he’s done giving me access to this… Still, I’m here with some good news this time: English-hating tennis hack Andy Murray has been knocked out of wimbledon.
Good riddance you lanky streak of Scottish piss. One can only hope he will never darken [...]

The Commons Scottish Affairs Committee of British MPs has decided that responsibility for holding ballots should not be transferred to the Scottish Parliament.
They cited the lack of faith amongst the electorate for the electronic voting system used in Scotland as a reason for keeping the responsibility with the British government’s Scottish Office.
Alex the Salmon won’t [...]

The Scottish government intends to do more to help Scottish fishermen cope with rising prices and unfair advantages of Spanish and French fishermen who receive state aid.
Rising fuel prices, crippling EU regulations and reduced quotas are damaging commercial fishing so the Scottish government is giving up to £400,000 towards the annual costs of maintaining lifeboats [...]

Wendy Alexander has addressed the Scottish Liebour spring gathering and told them that she will lead them to victory in the Scottish Parliament. Yeah, right.
In a characteristic display of utter hypocrisy, she said that she “will lead by exposing the dishonesty of the SNP”. Dishonesty of the SNP? Sorry Wendy Love, [...]

Alex the Salmon, First Minister of Scotland, has proposed a referendum on the future of governance of Scotland with two questions – enhanced devolution or independence.
The Conswervative and Unionist Party, Liebour and the Illiberal Dumbocrats have all shrieked hysterically that it’s “the wild words of a panicking man” and an “attempt to drag an unwilling [...]

England have lost to Scotland in the Six Nations.
I don’t mind England losing (I’d rather we didn’t of course) just as long as it’s not to Scotland!
Technorati Tags: England, Scotland, Rugby

Tom Yeo, the Conswervative MP for Suffolk South, introduced a private members bill to get the clocks put forward one hour to save lives and energy and increase leisure and social time.
As with previous attempts by various MPs the bill failed with the usual arguments being put forward – the farmers won’t like it and [...]

Andy “Anyone But England” Murray has been beaten again and almost got censured for swearing.

Technorati Tags: Andy Murray

Saturday’s defeat at the hands of the mutton munchers was made slightly more palatable by yesterday’s demolition of the sweaty socks by the cheese eating surrender monkey’s.
Our friends north of the border lost by 21 points putting them firmly at the bottom of the table on points difference after the opening fixtures.  Hopefully they’ll stay there [...]

CEP: England victimised yet again by United Kingdom government
The Council tax in England will be going up in April by just under 5%, more than twice the limit on pay increases being imposed by the Union Government. The average Council Tax bill in England will go up by £115 per month. Meanwhile in Scotland the [...]

… but only in England and Wales.
The Scottish Executive have ruled out a ban on Scottish prison officers going on strike saying that they have an agreement for binding arbitration in the event of a dispute with prison officers.
Jack Straw intends to ban prison officers in England and Wales from striking if a voluntary arbitration [...]

The Republic of Ireland will hold a referendum on the EU not-a-constitution thanks to the provisions of their constitution.
Denmark was expected to hold a referendum when it was reported that a majority of Danish MPs wanted one but this appears to have fallen by the wayside.
Enter Alex Salmond:
When the constitutional treaty was alive, the Labour [...]

Kosovo has suffered terribly at the hands of the Serbs ever since Yugoslavia broke up.
For a while now, Federal Europe has provided mediators to try and come up with a solution that would allow Kosovo to remain part of Serbia which would be acceptable to both the Serbs who don’t want to lose Kosovo and to [...]

English police are on the receiving end of the same racist treatment as English nurses when it comes to pay increases.
Earlier this year, our nurses were told that they would be getting the same percentage pay rise as Scottish nurses but rather than a single pay increase like in Scotland, their pay increase was to [...]

I’d like to wish a Happy St Andrews Day to all my Scottish readers, friends and enemies.
To mark our neighbour’s special day, I will refrain from taking the piss out of Scotland or Scottish people for the duration.
Technorati Tags: Scotland, St Andrews Day

From the BBC … 
Ministers have come up with a “vibrant” new message to greet tourists arriving at Scotland’s airports. 
The new message is … “Welcome to Scotland”.
Gosh.
Technorati Tags: Scotland, WTF

A Scottish woman who doctors said was 30lbs overweight has travelled to Malta for two hip replacements at a cost of £7,000 each because the Scottish NHS refused to even put her on the waiting list.
I guess I must be lucky (if you look at it that way) in that I’ve never been turned down for [...]

I only wish the match wasn’t on Sky Sports so I could cheer Italy on.
Italy are leading Scotland 1-0 in the second half.
Update:
18:24 – Noooooooooooooo, Scotland have equalised.
Update:
Scotland lost 2-1 to Italy and are out of the Euro 2008 competition.

Technorati Tags: Football, Italy, Scotland

The Crossrail project – a huge train network in the south east of England, centred on London – is estimated to cost the taxpayer £16,500,000,000.
The breakdown is as follows:

Building Crossrail – £16,000,000,000
Buying Scottish votes – £500,000,000

Under the Barnett Formula, Scotland is entitled to £500m purely because £16bn is being spent in England.  It doesn’t matter that [...]