O2 stocking iPhone

! This post hasn't been updated in over a year. A lot can change in a year including my opinion and the amount of naughty words I use. There's a good chance that there's something in what's written below that someone will find objectionable. That's fine, if I tried to please everybody all of the time then I'd be a Lib Dem (remember them?) and I'm certainly not one of those. The point is, I'm not the kind of person to try and alter history in case I said something in the past that someone can use against me in the future but just remember that the person I was then isn't the person I am now nor the person I'll be in a year's time.

O2 have done a deal with Apple to become exclusive stockists of the iPhone in the UK.

Apple said they wanted to do a deal with the best so they chose O2.  Interesting choice as they have the 3rd largest network in the UK behind Orange and Vodafone – only T-Mobile (formerly One2noOne) and 3 have smaller networks which isn’t exactly a positive thing to measure yourself against.  I had a 3 phone once and it was crap.  Not only was 3’s network crap but when their network was out of range and it roamed onto O2 that was also crap.

Anyway, that’s enough O2 bashing – it’s not O2 that I intend to take the piss out of.

What on earth was going through the minds of the designers of the iPhone?  In all fairness, Apple’s marketing department must be run by a genius because even with the Apple name and the iPod brand to sell the iPhone, it must still have taken some effort.

Imagine the scene in the Apple Cube, Steve Jobs and his product designers are sitting round the boardroom table in their Ikea ergonomic chairs.  They’re probably called köksuk or flángë.  Steve calls the brainstorm to order and dims the lights.  The light switch doesn’t have an on-off switch, you have to press an option button when you turn it on to turn it off.

Jobs: We need a brilliant lphone to dent Microsoft’s dominance of the smartphone market
Flunky: We could put a camera on it so you can take pictures!
Jobs: Every phone in the universe has a camera
Flunky: How about putting Quicktime on it so you can play videos?
Jobs: Every phone on the planet plays video, that’s so last century
Flunky: How about an internet browser? Putting Safari on a phone would be a real selling point!
Jobs: Every phone for the last million years has had an browser on it
Flunky: We could put a 3G internet connection on it so that surfers can get fast internet connections
Jobs: Na, too expensive – stick with 2G
Techy: We’re going to have to sell this thing for $600 just to cover costs
Sales: So, we’re going to have to try and sell a smartphone running Mac OS with no new functionality and it doesn’t even do 3G?
Marketing: We could put an i in front of the name?
Jobs: Genius! Here’s a million shares and a bottle of Vimto to celebrate.

Why do people buy shit like the iPhone?  The iPod was popular, it was ahead of the times, it was a cult product.  Just because the iPhone starts with a little i doesn’t mean it’s going to be great.  it is an inferior product with inferior features and it’s an Apple!  Save your £270 and give Orange a call who will quite happily sign you up on a contract with a proper 3G smartphone running a mobile operating system that’s been in use for more than 12 months – for free!  And guess what?  It will even play music and videos just like your iPod.

Here are some of the complaints about the iPhone from reviewers:

  • The screen is made of glass and is therefore more likely to break if you drop it
  • It can’t send MMS messages (!)
  • It doesn’t support Flash properly on websites
  • It can’t record video
  • It doesn’t work on Vista or 64-bit XP
  • No file manager
  • No songs for ring tones
  • You can’t save documents on it
  • No games
  • It gets hot
  • No 3G support
  • The camera is crap
  • It’s a big phone (they use super-size hand models to make it look smaller in adverts)
  • The touchscreen keyboard is crap
  • You can’t remove the battery (what do you do when it hangs and won’t turn off?)
  • Battery life is crap
  • It doesn’t support any of the iPod add-ons


  1. Aaron (72 comments) says:

    The iPod wasn’t any more ahead of its time than somethingelsewhichcameverylateintoitsmarket. Creative, for example, had been making superior players for years beforehand, and continue to do so now, despite Apple’s attempts to blow them out of the proverbial water. The iPod’s success is down to a couple of things. Firstly, marketing. It was hyped, and people bought into it blindly.

    Secondly (although I guess more a subset of point a than a point on its own), celebrities were seen to be using them, and we all know how the public eat up whatever they see the rich and famous wearing, doing, using or saying. The ridiculous price made them seem even more exclusive and “cool” too; good job the celebs got them free in goodie-bags at parties and other events!

    As for the iPhone, what an ugly piece of shit! The fact it’s touchscreen brings up instant doubts in the minds of anyone who knows the first thing about human-computer interaction. Aside from anything else, without buttons, there is no tactile response for the user. And no matter what bollocks Apple’s marketing guys come out with, glass IS breakable, and it IS scratchable. As for “innovative” and “magical”, Steve Jobs is living in a dream world; as the post hints at, the iPhone does not only nothing more than Microsoft’s Windows Mobile-powered smartphone devices which it has been producing for years, but quite a bit less.

    But hey, it’s Apple, and it’s got that magic ‘i’, so the sheep will inevitably follow.

  2. wonkotsane (1133 comments) says:

    Credit where it’s due, they had the music service to back the iPod up. Personally, I find it too restrictive and haven’t bought one but for non-techy music obsesives it’s a selling point.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Time limit is exhausted. Please reload CAPTCHA.