I’ve never resurrected a post from the depths of time but I was talking to a Belgian friend this morning and showed him this analogy I wrote back in February 2006 and thought it was worth giving another airing:
The Dutch, Belgian and Luxembourgish governments have today signed an Act of Union, uniting the three countries into the United Kingdom of Benelux.
The new federal government will be based in Amsterdam, the new capital of Benelux.
Belgium and Luxembourg will each have its own devolved government handling local affairs.
The Netherlands will be divided into 6 regions – North, South, West, East and Central Netherlands and the City Region of Amsterdam.
A devolved government for the Netherlands was mooted but was considered too great a risk to the union. The government of Benelux is drawing up plans for regional government in the Netherlands at some point in the future.
A Dutch campaign group raised the concern that Belgian and Luxembourgish politicians would be voting on legislation that only applied to the Netherlands. The Belgian-born president of Benelux gave the matter consideration but it was thought that preventing them from doing so would disenfranchise voters outside of the Netherlands and the concerns were dismissed.
As part of the terms of the Union of Benelux, the Netherlands will pay off the national debt of Belgium and Luxembourg and a new funding structure put in place which will see the Netherlands subsidise Belgium and Luxembourg whilst they work towards bringing their economy up to the same level as the Netherlands.
Harriet Harperson, the Minister for Women and Equality (there is no Minister for Men, of course, making it one of the most ironic job titles in the history of modern politics) has decided that the British government is “too white” and they must make efforts to make it more representative of the general population.
She’s even intending to launch an inquiry into why there are more white men in parliament than women or ethnic minorities and “positive discrimination” has been mooted again as a way of cheating the system to fulfill arbitrary quotas.
The last thing we need in these troubled economic times is an expensive inquiry so I’ll save the taxpayer some money by telling Harriet Harperson the answer myself, free of charge:
Dear Ms Harperson,
I read, with interest, your comments on the “too white” British Parliament and wished to offer your my support. I appreciate that words are of no use to someone with so many jobs and so much inequality to stamp out so I will offer you some practical support.
I note that you are intending to launch an inquiry into why there are so many white male MPs in parliament. As luck would have it, I have previously investigated this and discovered the cause of this democratic defecit. There are a number of factors involved:
More white males want to be MPs
More white males put themselves forward for selection
More white males are voted to be candidates by their party
More white males are voted for in elecions
I hope this helps with your investigations and saves you launching an expensive inquiry into how you and your colleagues became MPs. I look forward to reading your proposals for ensuring that parliament has adequate quotas of ethnic minority, female, disabled, homosexual, trans-gender and other oppressed sections of society.
If anyone else wants to send the findings of their own investigations, you can contact Harriet Harperson by email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
“The authorities” in the West Midlands are appealing for possible victims of a HIV-infected man who has been knowingly having unprotected sex with women for a couple of years to come forward and get tested so they don’t unwittingly pass the infection on to others.
Unfortunately, the man can’t be named for legal reasons even though he’s been convicted so they’re advising any women who think they might have slept with a man they can’t name, describe or show a picture of after being picked up in a club in the West Midlands in the last couple of years to get themselves tested.
What a fucking joke. Name the bastard, put his picture on the internet and on billboards around the West Midlands and then handcuff him to a lampost in Broad Street in Birmingham for a couple of hours.
I saw an advert on the BBC today for TV Licensing, the extortion arm of the BBC.
The advert started off all nice and friendly telling the viewer that thanks to their technology you can pay for your TV licence by yearly or monthly direct debit or even weekly by cash.
That’s very generous of them. What piece of wonderous, customer friendly technology is this?
It’s all in the database
Ah, “the database”. It’s all for our benefit you know? All that business with keeping every address in the UK and harassing anyone in “the database” who hasn’t got a TV licence is to protect us, the customer. Sending threatening letters to anyone who buys any type of TV equipment whether they have a TV licence or not is just a proactive way of reminding us of our responsibilities as good citizens.
Hands up if you’re fed up of the bullshit propaganda about climate change.
Yep, thought so. The left wing media is, of course, wholeheartedly behind the anthropogenic climate change cash cow, filling column inches with the latest story about retreating ice caps and rising temperatures and other such bullshit events that haven’t actually happened.
One island of sanity in the ocean of climate change madness is An Englishman’s Castle. It’s one of the few blogs I read daily rather than cherry picking posts from the Witan syndicated feed and it’s such an excellent read that I’m awarding it the second ever WINO Award.
In the last century, millions of men and women gave up their lives to protect King, Queen and country.
Nearly a million “British” people died in World War 1 and nearly half a million in World War 2. Whatever your views on war, these people should be remembered and buying and wearing a poppy in the run-up to Remembrance Sunday is the way that millions of people in this country do that. The money raised in selling the poppies goes to the Royal British Legion which does a half decent job of getting the money to people who need it.
Millions of people have died in defence of this country and this is an insult. Staff at Buckingham Palace warned not to wear poppies at state banquets in case they offend foreign ambassadors and even being threatened with the sack if they do – that is an inexcusable insult and the idiots at the Foreign Office who decided it was more important to make sure the German ambassador didn’t feel uncomfortable while he was eating his dinner than it is to remember the millions of people who’ve given their lives in defence of this country should be sent to a military field hospital in Afghanistan or Iraq where they can explain to the wounded soliders why palace staff shouldn’t wear poppies.
According to Jacqui Smith, we all want ID cards as soon as possible.
So many people stop her in the street and tell her they don’t want to wait to hand permanent control of their identity to the British government and have all their personal details and biometric data stored in a big database forever that she’s going to offer a pre-registration scheme to see just how much overwhelming support there is for them.
At first I thought she was getting confused with people saying “Fuck off Smith you fascist bitch” but when I thought about it some more I realised that she couldn’t be mishearing what people were saying and came to the conclusion that she’s actually just a lying fucking nazi bitch.
Something tells me that the number of retarded sheep pre-registering won’t be compared to the number signing the NØ2ID pledge saying they’d rather go to prison that submit to the database state which will eclipse the pre-registration figures but that won’t stop it being held up as proof that the public wants ID cards.
In the last three months I’ve twice scared off some of the local feral youth when they’ve been trying to break into my neighbours garden at night and today someone has had a go at the same house in broad daylight!
Mrs Sane called me to tell me that the police had been round asking if she’d seen anything and they’re all over the place taking footprints in the mud and other exciting CSI-type stuff. I’m exaggerating slightly but there’s a few police kicking about this afternoon.
What’s the world coming to when your home isn’t even safe in broad daylight?
Time to bolster the defences I think. Anyone know where I can get one of those laser devices they used in Over the Hedge?
Liebour have won the by-election in Glenrothes, a bordering constituency to No Mandate Brown’s Kirkcaldy & Cowdenbeath constituency.
When John MacDougal died earlier this year (following a visit by Jonah Brown, incidently) Liebour had a majority of over 10,000. Their majority has now been reduced to 6,737 with a swing to the SNP of 5%.
The Conswervatives will be celebrating a glorious victory – they managed to knock the Illiberal Dumocrats into fourth place which, in Scotland, is no mean feat for them. UKIP will also be pleased that they didn’t come last. One day both the Conswervatives and UKIP will realise that Scotland votes for eurofederalist, supposedly socialist parties and concentrate on England where they actually achieve some success.
This is a thoroughly disappointing result to any right thinking person – the SNP were widely expected to overturn Liebour’s majority like they have done the last couple of times and there was some speculation that El Gordo might even lose his job if Liebour lost yet another by-election in their celtic heartlands. But sadly the people of Glenrothes decided to vote for a representative of the most sleaze-ridden, corrupt and illiberal British government this country has ever known.
Hazel Blears has attacked political bloggers for “fuel[ing] a culture of cynicism and pessimism” about politics.
Hazel love, you’re a fucking fruit loop. It’s people like you, dear, that fuel a culture of cynicism and pessimism about politics. People like you who not only ignore the people who elected you but actively work against their wishes and act all surprised when they don’t think you’re doing them a favour. People like you who consistently and unswervingly vote with your party on every issue, regardless of what their constituents want. People like you who have consistently voted against every proposal to make parliament transparent and in favour of every bill that curtails human rights and civil liberties.
Ms Blears, the wealthy middle class solicitor and MP on a ministers salary of nearly £139k, says that we need more working class MPs. She said that we need more MPs earning almost £62k a year plus expenses that “know what it is to worry about the rent collector’s knock, or the fear of lay-off”.
She did betray the real reason for her attack on political bloggers though.
The most popular blogs are right-wing
Yes Hazel, they are. It’s also because left wing politics is so incredibly dull and predictable. Corruption, sleaze, spin, class jealousy and never-ending destructive “reform”.
The Bank of England has reduced the headline rate of interest by 1.5% to 3% – the lowest rate in 53 years, apparently.
All of which is good news to those people struggling to pay the stupid mortagages on their stupid houses that they can’t afford to pay. Assuming, that is, that the banks pass on the full 1.5% rate cut and soon.
Dropping the interest rates is a proven way of giving the economy a nudge when it’s looking a bit poorly and if and when the rate is passed on it might just ease the decline into recession slightly. It won’t stop it happening, it’s too late for that, but it will probably help.
Of course, it won’t do anything unless the banks pass the rate cut on to us plebs which raises an interesting question – will the Treasury use the golden shares it’s brought in the main high street banks to force a cut in the interest rates if they are unwilling to take the hit on their earnings?
UKIP member, Buster Mottram, took himself along to tonights National Executive Council (NEC) meeting and told Nigel Farage and the other NEC members that he had been talking to Nick Griffin, the leader of the BNP. He said that UKIP should take up an offer of an electoral pact from the BNP which would see the BNP agree not to field candidates in the south of England where UKIP has most support in return for UKIP not fielding candidates in the midlands and north of England where the BNP has support.
The offer was refused and Mottram was asked to leave the NEC meeting. He refused and became abusive. In the end, the police were called to remove him from the building.
Eric Edmunds, David Abbot and deputy treasurer and ex-officio NEC member, Martin Haslam, have been removed from the NEC for publically opposing the stated aims of the party.
Nigel Farage said:
There are no circumstances, no possible situations, in which we would even consider doing any type of deal with the BNP whatsoever.
I’m simply amazed that the BNP thought we would even consider such a thing, given that we are a non-racist, non-sectarian party.
The BNP regularly targets UKIP members with propaganda, often claiming to be from UKIP supporters. A BNP plot has been suspected for some time and this is unlikely to be the end of it. A group of around 40 UKIP members are well known troublemakers who have been actively working against the party leadership for some time. They are likely to try and get members to support the BNP pact to undermine Nigel Farage’s leadership.
Needless to say, a BNP pact would be suicidal for UKIP but these troublemakers are so single-minded in their vendetta against Farage that they would happily destroy the party they claim to support.
The cheapest price I’ve seen for petrol this last couple of days has been Tesco at 94.9p/litre.
It’s still got to drop at least 20p/litre to get back to the price it was the last time oil was this cheap but spare a thought for our Dutch friends – the petrol station over the road from where we stayed in the Netherlands was stil €1.31/litre when we left.
So Russell Brand has been compelled to resign and Jonathan Ross has been suspended without pay for 3 months costing him an estimated £1.5m and for what? Because some scrubber took advantage of a tasteless joke they made at her grandad’s expense.
I don’t imagine there are many grandfathers that want to hear about who their grandchild has slept with, especially when it’s a freak like Russell Brand and I expect he was probably quite upset about the messages Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand left on his answerphone. But was it really worth a week of media hype, a with hunt, one person’s career and £1.5m in lost wages for another person?
So offended was Georgina Baillie, the granddaughter of Manuel out of Fawlty Towers, that she waited for at least a couple of days before selling details of her brief fling with Russell Brand to the papers.
Georgina – also known as “Voluptua” from the Satanic Sluts erotic dancing troupe – knew exactly what she was doing when she jumped on the bandwagon. She’s a talentless nobody whose only hope of brief fame is to shag someone famous and wait for a career-wrecking opportunity to take advantage of.
I imagine Brand would be a little happier about the situation if she was a looker but not only is she a talentless nobody, she’s a chubby goth wannabe.