Archive for September 2007

SNP motion to congratulate England

Britishness Brown, the non-mandate British Prime Minister, was too busy to phone Steve McLaren to congratulate him on England’s 3-0 victory over Russia last week but managed to find the time to phone Alex McLeish, the Scottish manager, to congratulate him on their defeat of France on the same night.

Even though No Mandate Brown professes to be British to the core and treat English and Scottish equally, he makes no effort whatsoever to actually live up to his false claims.

The SNP have tabled a motion in the Scottish Parliament congratulating England on their defeat of the Russians whilst Liebour were responsible for one of the five motions in the Scottish Parliament congratulating Scotland on beating France.

I really fail to understand why No Mandate Brown persists on keeping up this pretence that he even likes English people, let alone considers us equal to his beloved homeland.  He signed the Scottish Claim of Right affirming Scotland’s right to chose the best form of government for itself and pledging to put Scotland’s interests first and foremost.  He hasn’t renounced that pledge and has done nothing to indicate that he no longer intends to put Scotland’s interests first.

NHS Review

Lord Darzi, appointed by No Mandate Brown to “reform” the English NHS, is aiming to get GP’s to see their patients out of hours.

GP’s used to run out-of-hours surgeries but the British government gave them new contracts that allowed them to pass their obligations on to NHS Direct with a hefty pay rise to keep them voting Labour happy.  It has been suggested that GP’s should be paid more to see their patients out of hours, possibly by allowing them to charge patients to see them out of hours.

Lord Darzi’s report won’t be made public for another 3 weeks but it has been presented today to the rump cabinet.  No Mandate Brown looked particularly happy with the report – probably because if it all goes tits up it doesn’t affect a single person who voted for him.

University Graduates figure drops

The UK has dropped from 3rd to 10th place in an OECD report on university graduates – we produce only 400,000 graduates a year now.

What a surprise.  Could it be anything to do with the extortionate, discriminatory and racist fees charged for the 85% of the population that lives in England?  Of course not, it’s because students expect to get a degree so they don’t try hard enough.  It must be true, the BBC says so.

O2 stocking iPhone

O2 have done a deal with Apple to become exclusive stockists of the iPhone in the UK.

Apple said they wanted to do a deal with the best so they chose O2.  Interesting choice as they have the 3rd largest network in the UK behind Orange and Vodafone – only T-Mobile (formerly One2noOne) and 3 have smaller networks which isn’t exactly a positive thing to measure yourself against.  I had a 3 phone once and it was crap.  Not only was 3’s network crap but when their network was out of range and it roamed onto O2 that was also crap.

Anyway, that’s enough O2 bashing – it’s not O2 that I intend to take the piss out of.

What on earth was going through the minds of the designers of the iPhone?  In all fairness, Apple’s marketing department must be run by a genius because even with the Apple name and the iPod brand to sell the iPhone, it must still have taken some effort.

Imagine the scene in the Apple Cube, Steve Jobs and his product designers are sitting round the boardroom table in their Ikea ergonomic chairs.  They’re probably called köksuk or flángë.  Steve calls the brainstorm to order and dims the lights.  The light switch doesn’t have an on-off switch, you have to press an option button when you turn it on to turn it off.

Jobs: We need a brilliant lphone to dent Microsoft’s dominance of the smartphone market
Flunky: We could put a camera on it so you can take pictures!
Jobs: Every phone in the universe has a camera
Flunky: How about putting Quicktime on it so you can play videos?
Jobs: Every phone on the planet plays video, that’s so last century
Flunky: How about an internet browser? Putting Safari on a phone would be a real selling point!
Jobs: Every phone for the last million years has had an browser on it
Flunky: We could put a 3G internet connection on it so that surfers can get fast internet connections
Jobs: Na, too expensive – stick with 2G
Techy: We’re going to have to sell this thing for $600 just to cover costs
Sales: So, we’re going to have to try and sell a smartphone running Mac OS with no new functionality and it doesn’t even do 3G?
Marketing: We could put an i in front of the name?
Jobs: Genius! Here’s a million shares and a bottle of Vimto to celebrate.

Why do people buy shit like the iPhone?  The iPod was popular, it was ahead of the times, it was a cult product.  Just because the iPhone starts with a little i doesn’t mean it’s going to be great.  it is an inferior product with inferior features and it’s an Apple!  Save your £270 and give Orange a call who will quite happily sign you up on a contract with a proper 3G smartphone running a mobile operating system that’s been in use for more than 12 months – for free!  And guess what?  It will even play music and videos just like your iPod.

Here are some of the complaints about the iPhone from reviewers:

  • The screen is made of glass and is therefore more likely to break if you drop it
  • It can’t send MMS messages (!)
  • It doesn’t support Flash properly on websites
  • It can’t record video
  • It doesn’t work on Vista or 64-bit XP
  • No file manager
  • No songs for ring tones
  • You can’t save documents on it
  • No games
  • It gets hot
  • No 3G support
  • The camera is crap
  • It’s a big phone (they use super-size hand models to make it look smaller in adverts)
  • The touchscreen keyboard is crap
  • You can’t remove the battery (what do you do when it hangs and won’t turn off?)
  • Battery life is crap
  • It doesn’t support any of the iPod add-ons

The Law is an ass

Two men have been sentenced to 12 and 15 months in prison for spraying graffiti on a train.

The actor Christopher Langham was recently given 10 months for downloading child porn off the internet.

A few months ago I read a story in a paper about a man was given an ASBO for stealing 600 bikes from outside train stations in London.

In the same paper a man was given 3 months in prison for taking the rap for his sons speeding fine.

Last night we were watching one of those police documentaries and someone was given 5 months in prison for driving whilst being 3 times over the drink-drive limit.

Microsoft fined

Microsoft has lost an appeal against a fine of $690m which the European Commission had imposed following an anti-trust suit.

The European Court of First Instance dismissed the appeal and upheld the decision that Microsoft was abusing its market dominance by shipping Windows with Media Player built in.

The European Commission has been bleating on about how good this is for consumer choice and how consumers will be much better off as a result of the decision.

What a crock of shit.

Firstly, who will pay for the $690m fine?  Microsoft?  Of course not, they’ll just bump up their prices some more and the consumer will pay.  Already, the price of software in Europe is higher than the US and in England it’s even higher.

Secondly, what’s wrong with shipping Media Player with Windows?  It’s a free download from the Microsoft website – what difference will it make to the price?  A couple of quid as a token gesture to stop the European Commission from suing them again?  A previous anti-trust suit made them take Java out of Windows – now, whenever I install Windows I have to go and download Java from the internet before I can browse a website that uses Java.

vista.PNGIt doesn’t make Windows better, it makes it more irritating for me, the consumer.  I want my Windows disc to be so chock full of programs and gadgets and tools that I don’t have to spend half an hour downloading stuff that I need from the internet before Windows is useful.  I want to be able to use Java-enabled websites out of the box.  I want a media player out of the box.  Windows Media Player is great – it does pretty much everything I want it to.  It doesn’t play DVD’s but I’ve got something else to do that.  It has a “thing” for Microsoft’s proprietry formats when you rip CD’s but my MP3 Player is quite happy with WMA files.

This ruling was nothing to do with giving choice to the consumer.  It was about extracting loads of cash for the EU propaganda fund from the big bad American corporation.  I don’t very often defend Microsoft – I don’t like the way they do business – but in this case, they were in the right and you have no idea how much it pains me to say that.


The ironic thing about the whole Northern Rock saga is that the emergency loan they took from the Bank of England wasn’t actually a loan, it was an emergency credit line – an agreement to lend them money, not actually handing over the cash.

Not only this, but they haven’t had to make use of the credit line – even with customers withdrawing £2bn over the last few days.

Regular readers of Wonko’s World will know that I am a big fan of open government but some things really are better off kept out of the public eye until after the event.  If it wasn’t for the Bank of England having to publish the fact that it had had a Lender of Last Resort request from Northern Rock, the bank wouldn’t be facing an uncertain future where it will most likely be sold for a fraction of its recent value to a foreign bank.

There is also a question mark over whether the Bank of England was right to refuse to guarantee a takeover bid by an English bank because of the problems with the American sub-prime mortgage sector.  Whilst Northern Rock does get a large chunk of its investment capital from that market, the bank was still a going concern – albeit with liquidity problems – and comfortably solvent.  The Bank of England must surely have understood the risk of not backing this takeover?

Durka Durka Sweden Jihad

An audio message has appeared on the internet, apparently recorded by Abu Omar-al-Baghdadi who the Americans believe is leader of al-Qaeda in Iraq, offering a reward for the murder of Lars Vilks.

Vilks is the Swedish newspaper cartoonist who chooses to express his right to freedom of expression by publishing cartoons of the muslim prophet Muhammad and whose cartoons caused “spontaneous” worldwide protests last year.  The protests were so spontaneous that they happened several months after the cartoons were published, all happened at the same time and the ring-leaders even managed to find plentiful supplies of Swedish flags to burn.

Anyway, I digress.  The Jihadi’s have offered a $100,000 reward for his murder and $150,000 if he is “slaughtered like a lamb”.  I don’t prescribe to the increasingly vocal minority who want an outright ban on Islam in England but I do believe that it’s time the establishment stopped perpetuating the myth that Islam is a religion of peace (it says that to be a good muslim you have to kill non-believers for a start, we’re lucky that most muslims don’t follow their religion too literally) stopped elevating the “muslim community” above other “communities” and stopped giving state support to muslim religious groups.

If you want to see the latest picture to offend the peace-loving Jihadi’s, click here.

Nurses forced to settle for inferior pay deal

English nurses have reluctantly accepted a revised pay deal that is inferior to that given to Scottish and Welsh nurses.

The original 2.5% pay increase was given to Scottish nurses in a single increase but nurses in England were expected to accept the increase in stages amounting to only a 1.9% net increase.

A revised deal has been accepted which will mean a 3.4% increase for the lowest paid NHS workers but only a 2.08% increase overall.

No Mandate Brown’s excuse for offering nurses in England an inferior pay deal to the one given to his own constituents is that a staged pay increase is necessary to maintain low inflation and steady growth.

So, English nurses and NHS workers are required to accept an inferior pay deal to protect the economy but their Scottish and Welsh colleagues – doing the same job with bigger budgets – are allowed to have a better pay deal that Gordon Brown says will damage the economy.

Another one bites the dust

Yet another Liebour MP has announced his forthcoming resignation.

John Reid, the Scottish former Home Secretary of England, has announced that he will resign at the next election along with Fatty Prescott.  Traitor Bliar has, of course, already disappeared into obscurity after finally doing the right thing and resigning.

The question is, why?  Why are these senior politicians giving up a job worth hundreds of thousands of pounds per year?  Is it because they can’t get on with No Mandate Brown or are they jumping ship before the SS Liebour sinks?

Don’t Panic!

Northern Rock has had to take out an emergency loan from the Bank of England to restore liquidity.  The bank, which is one of the biggest mortage lenders in England, has insisted that it isn’t insolvent but this hasn’t stopped people withdrawing their savings en-masse, making the situation even worse.

One couple – a pair of former hoteliers – is staging a sit-in protest at their local branch because they weren’t able to withdraw £1m from their account which is, to be fair, an unusual and unreasonable request without giving the branch enough notice to get the cash delivered.

Northern Rock, like all banks based in the UK, will be backed by other private and commercial financial institutions.  If these backers fail to bail out Northern Rock if they do become insolvent, Northern Rock will still be able to get enough cash to satisfy withdrawals by using lender of last resort facilities from the Bank of England.  The Bank of England will automatically lend money to banks to maintain liquidity if they are unable to obtian private finance to do so.

Should Northern Rock continue to have problems with liquidity the Bank of England has the power to administer the bank in the same way as insolvency practitioners administer insolvent companies.

Realistically, there was very little risk to customers of Northern Rock until they started their panic-withdrawals.  By needlessly withdrawing their money from the bank they are depriving the bank of the capital it needs to continue day-to-day trading, making it quite inevitible that the bank will cease to become solvent.  But before this happens, it is highly likely that the Bank of England, in conjunction with other governtment departments, will stop people from withdrawing money from Northern Rock accounts under powers it has to prevent the collapse of banks and serious damage to the economy.

Brown’s Favouritism

No Mandate Brown found time in his busy schedule to phone the manager of the Scottish national football team, Alex McLeish, to congratulate him on Scotland’s victory over France.

He didn’t get round to phoning Steve McLaren to congratulate him on England’s victory over Russia thought because he was too busy although when asked, a spokesman said he was sure that Britishness Brown would be congratulating England as well and that a letter would probably be written during the day.


EU hasn’t given up on metric

The media have finally caught up with the news that our masters in Federal Europe have, at least for the time being, given up on forced metrication in England.

I say “caught up” because this is old news – this decision was made a month ago but it’s taken the eurofederalists this long to realise that they can use it as “evidence” that Federal Europe isn’t that bad after all.

However, despite the headlines boldy declaring that Federal Europe has given up on metricating England, they are still very much committed to ensuring that foreign metric measurements are here to stay.  Anything you sell still has to be weighed or measured in metric with our own imperial weights and measures as an additional, less prominent, piece of information.  You will still be prosecuted by Trading Standards for not using foreign metric weights and measures even though imperial is used by more people than metric.

Is this a victory?  Not really.  It’s just maintaining the status quo – half metrication which infuriates a large proportion of the public.  Metric will still overtake imperial eventually without Federal Europe forcing it to happen.  Kids haven’t been taught how to use imperial for a long time so future generations will only be able to use foreign metric weights and measures.  In a few years the number of people who have deliberately been taught only metric weights and measures to kill off imperial will outnumber those of us who still use imperial.  Metrication will still go ahead, it will only be delayed by a few years and it will no longer be attributed to Federal Europe.

I want a referendum

I was promised a referendum on the EU Constitution by Traitor Blair and I want Britishness Brown to honour that promise.

I don’t want to hear bullshit excuses such as “it’s not the EU Constitution” or “it’s a much more cut-down version” – the text in the new treaty is 96% identical to the text in the EU Constitution and it’s only cut down because most of it has already been brought in piecemeal after the French and Dutch voted against it.

Sign up at

McCann’s come home

The McCann’s have come home now that they have both been named as official suspects in the disappearance of their daughter, Madeline.

That’s another thing to add to the list of suspicious activity.

Sign Generator

Check out – so much opportunity for mischief!

Telford & Wrekin taking down EU flag

Telford & Wrekin Council are taking down the EU rag from their offices and replacing it with the Cross of St George.

The current Leader of the Council, Andrew Eade, campaigned successfully for the British flag to be put on the council offices a few years ago when the Liebour traitors who were in power previously took it down.  However, my own continued attempts to get the English flag flying in place of the blue rag have been unsuccessful until now because, despite claiming the decision as all their own idea, it was me that spoke personally to one of the cabinet members and asked for this to be done a matter of days after they won the election.

I don’t mind not getting any of the credit anyway, it’s a victory for both pro-English and anti-EU movements.


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Decisions, Decisions

Bit of a dilema – England are playing Israel in the football and the USA in the rugby.

Both matches should be a walkover, the rugby especially so, but which will be the best game?

Our teams both need to be careful when attacking though.  A shove in the penalty area could very well see the Israeli’s sending in a couple of attack helicopters and a dodgy tackle on one of the yanks might end up with an invasion.

Of course, even if we lose the rugby there is always consolation in the fact that France lost to Argentina yesterday.  Quite comprehensively in fact which makes you wonder whether they are still favourites to win the world cup this time.

I also started this thread (you have to be registered) yesterday on the RFU website about the lack of an English national anthem and the Scots and Welsh having two national anthems played for them – their own and God Save the Queen.


Problem solved – ITV4 is showing the rugby straight after the football.

Madeline McCann

Madeline McCann’s mother is being held by the Portugese police as a suspect in her disappearance.

I haven’t blogged about Madeline McCann going missing because I’m very suspicious of the circumstances and everyone has been so hung up on the poor parents.

That said, the police are suspicious now and most people I think have accepted that there is very little chance of seeing the girl again.  So, I’ll say my piece.

Why were the girls left alone by obviously intelligent parents (they’re both doctors) while they went out to dinner?

Why was the older girl taken and the baby twins left behind?

Why are the parents always galavanting off all over the place without the two kids they’ve still got?

There is something very strange going on with this while sad affair if you want my opinion.  If you don’t … don’t read it.